Redemption
by suej
Summary: It's the anniversary of the encounter with the Equinox and Noah Lessing has something special in mind to mark the occasion. Last chapters posted!
1. Chapter 1

Redemption  
  
Written - 8/20/02 Summary - It's the anniversary of the encounter with the Equinox and Noah Lessing has something special in mind to mark the occasion. Rating - PG  
  
Chapter 1  
  
Kathryn Janeway sat comfortably on the sofa in her ready room. The starlines streaking by the viewport behind her head giving some indication of their speed through space. They had encountered a planet eight days before, inhabited by a warp capable society that was more than willing to trade for supplies. It had been a long week, but a very successful one, as Voyager was once again stocked with much needed food supplies and spare parts.  
  
While the negotiations had been a success, it had been exhausting attending the seemingly endless torrent of meetings and social functions, overseeing the loading of supplies and making all the other necessary arrangements. Still wearing her dress uniform from the final ceremony, the Captain had taken leave of the rest of her senior staff as the ship left orbit, seeking refuge in her ready room to get some reports out of the way.  
  
Upon entering her sanctuary, she had unfastened the collar of her tunic so it fell in a loose triangle across her chest, freeing her neck from the stiff, confining material. She picked up a PADD from her desk, replicated a mug of coffee, and retreated to the sofa under the viewport to work. That had been several hours ago and it was now the middle of Voyager's night, 0345 to be exact. Setting down the PADD, she leaned forward to peer over the edge of her third cup of coffee, and as she inhaled the pungent aroma of the beverage, she blessed whatever fictional gods were responsible for replicators.  
  
Snuggling even farther into the cushions, she allowed her mind to wander. Even with the distractions of the trade negotiations to keep her busy, the significance of the date had not been lost on her and it added to her restlessness. The full schedule had been a convenient distraction, and served to keep her mind off the fact that it was the anniversary of the demise of the Equinox, but only for so long. At least no one else had seen fit to remind her of it and she hoped it would stay that way. She wrestled with her conflicting emotions of that time enough on her own without assistance.  
  
After taking one last sip of coffee, she set the mug on the table in front of her and stretched her weary muscles. If she got up and out of here right now, she still had time to catch a couple of hours sleep before she would have to be back on duty at 0700. Rising to her tired feet, she took several steps forward and then stopped as she heard her door chime. 'Now who could that possibly be at this hour?' She wondered as she made her way toward her desk. 'Probably Chakotay coming to force me to get some sleep.'  
  
Before she answered, the door chimed again, only this time she realized it wasn't the door from the bridge that had been activated, it was the rear door which led to the corridor. That in itself was fairly unusual, but as she assumed it was her First Officer, she wasn't all that concerned. He often used that door to meet her during his off-duty hours. Sometimes to discuss ship's business or share a meal or, as in situations like this, to encourage her to admit she was human and quit for the day.  
  
Thinking nothing more of it she stood and crossed to her desk and ordered "Enter." She was just rounding the corner of her desk as the door opened leaving her back turned toward her visitor. Consequently, she could not see that it was not her first officer but a tall crewman in a blue-shouldered uniform. As soon as the opening was wide enough, he rushed her, grabbed her from behind, and pressed a long bladed, Starfleet issue, survival knife to her throat.  
  
"Finally, I've got you where I want you, Janeway." He muttered at the back of her head.  
  
From the sound of his voice alone, she was certain she knew who it was. "Crewman, let go of me before you get yourself in a great deal of trouble."  
  
"I'm afraid you are not the one in control here Captain. Not anymore." He said as he pressed the blade harder against her skin.  
  
She tried desperately not to move as she felt the blade cut deeply enough to send a trickle of something wet and warm down her neck. 'Keep calm Kathryn.' She told herself as she tried to keep her breathing even and her nerves under control. Luckily, her training and experience through her years in Starfleet, as well as her own tenacity, allowed her to focus on how to get herself out of this situation rather than succumbing to her fear, not to mention her pain.  
  
As her attacker held the blade to her throat, he used his other hand to rip her commbadge from the front of her uniform and toss it to the floor at the other end of the room. "How does it feel Captain? How does it feel to have someone else calling the shots?"  
  
Reaching slowly and carefully toward the hand that held the knife, she replied "What is it that you want from me?"  
  
"Oh, you'll find out soon enough. For now let's just say you have a date with destiny." He explained, his voice sounding both eager and tense at the same time.  
  
When she felt she was ready, Kathryn Janeway swiftly wrapped her hands around her attacker's arm and, falling back on her training, attempted to flip him off her. It was no use, he anticipated she would try something and had his weight balanced in such a way that it would be almost impossible for her to successfully execute the maneuver she was attempting. Leaning forward, he used his greater size and weight to his advantage as he slid his free arm around and down, effectively pinning her arms to her body. All the while pressing the knife ever deeper into her flesh until she could not help but cry out from the searing pain.  
  
"Hurts doesn't it? You really shouldn't have tried that." He said with a cruel inflection to his voice as he mercifully released some of the pressure on the knife.  
  
Taking a few long slow breaths to compose herself, she watched helplessly as her blood fell in glistening crimson droplets to the surface of her desk. "Does that give you some sort of satisfaction crewman?"  
  
"As a matter of fact it does. I've waited a long time for this and I intend to savor the experience."  
  
Suddenly she was spun around and bent backward over her desk, her muscles and joints straining against the awkward position. Now facing her assailant, her suspicions confirmed, she found herself looking straight into the crazed eyes of Noah Lessing.  
  
In the year since the experience with the Equinox, there had been a period of time where Kathryn worried that Ransom's six remaining crewmembers would have a difficult time adjusting to their new situation aboard Voyager. Stripped of their rank, and put on severe restrictions as punishment for their crimes, they were initially ostracized by the Voyager crew. However, over time they had performed their duties as well as anyone on the ship, and most had earned a modicum of respect. In that time, she had seen fit to eliminate most of their restrictions as a reward for their good behavior. She believed, obviously in error, that they were beyond the point where there was any chance of a backlash. Lessing must have been harboring a hell of a grudge and decided that the anniversary of those events warranted special consideration.  
  
Then again, she could hardly blame him. She wasn't at all proud of some of the things she had done during those trying days either, least of all her handling of him. She had literally interrogated him as if he were a common criminal and threatened his life. And for no better reason than she was furious with him for blindly following his commanding officer into a horrific violation of the Prime Directive. If Chakotay hadn't stepped in, she might have let the aliens kill him. She had been that out of control.  
  
Nevertheless, she instinctively knew that there was something more to this. She could feel it. Noah seemed different somehow. At least different from the other times she had been around him. Granted there hadn't been that many, but she couldn't shake the thought there was much more to be concerned about here than met the eye, more than just the obvious anger and resentment.  
  
"Noah, listen to me, this won't solve anything. It will only make things worse. I'm sure we can work this out if we just sit and talk things through. What do you say?"  
  
As she looked at him for some sign of acquiescence, the pure unadulterated rage she saw in his eyes wasn't the least bit comforting. She guessed there would be little point in trying to reason with him in this state and she didn't have to wait long for her intuition to be confirmed. With one quick movement he leaned back and swung his left arm toward her, his hand clenched in a fist. The back of his hand struck the left side of her face so hard that the momentum threw her to the floor. As she rose to her knees, she recognized the distinct metallic taste of blood in her mouth. Spitting it out, she wiped her mouth with the back of her own hand, cringed when she disturbed the split in her lip, and mustered the strength in her legs to stand and face him.  
  
"I'll take that as a no." She said through her rapidly swelling lip.  
  
He stood staring at her as if he was unsure of what to do next, but the loathing in his eyes never wavered. After what seemed an eternity, but in reality was only a few seconds, he used his foot to kick one of the chairs in front of her desk until it was facing toward the main door. "Sit down!" he demanded, motioning toward the chair.  
  
Deciding that compliance might buy her some time, she did as he asked only to be rewarded with the sight of him pulling several lengths of what appeared to be circuitry cable from his uniform jacket. He swiftly pulled her hands behind her and bound her wrists tightly together around the back of the chair. The resulting pain in her shoulders and wrists was excruciating until she managed to shift positions and lessen the discomfort somewhat.  
  
She found herself wondering how in the world she was going to find a way out of this predicament. Lessing was obviously focused on revenge, and just how far he would take this was completely unknown at this point. What she did know was that she was in real danger, and possibly the ship and crew as well. "So, now that you've got me where you want me, what do you intend to do Noah? Whatever you have in mind, you can still get out of this you know. It's not too late to stop this before you do something you'll regret."  
  
He turned and glared at her, "And just what would you know about regret? Do you regret anything you did to all of us from the Equinox a year ago? You never gave Captain Ransom or any of us a chance to explain, you never tried to understand, you simply passed judgment. You weren't in our shoes. You can't possibly know what it was like before we encountered those aliens."  
  
Lessing's words confirmed that this was indeed about what had happened a year ago, even if there had never been any real doubt. Ironically, there was some truth to what he was saying. She had taken it upon herself to be judge and jury, and in his case, almost executioner as well. She had been outraged that any Starfleet captain and crew could stoop so low, but the entire incident had frightened her as well. In Rudy Ransom she saw something that she had long worried she could become herself if the circumstances were different. She had fought hard to keep her ideals, and those of her crew, intact through everything they had experienced in this God-forsaken quadrant.  
  
"You're right crewman, there are a lot of things I could have done differently then that I regret now. Not the least of which was how I treated you. However, you're wrong when you say I don't understand. All of us on Voyager have been through some very difficult times in the Delta Quadrant. We have suffered through unprovoked attacks, hostile takeovers, system failures from battle damage or lack of maintenance, supply shortages of every kind, and we've lost too many members of our family out here. The list of challenges is endless. Through it all, I've had to make difficult and sometimes unpopular decisions, many of which Starfleet might not look so kindly on when we return home. So you see, I do understand. Maybe our experiences on Voyager have been a little different, but I do understand."  
  
He knelt before her and moved close to her face when he replied. "Fine words Captain, but the damage has been done. What kind of a future can those of us from the Equinox possibly have? We've been in contact with Starfleet for some time now. Once we get back to the Alpha Quadrant, Starfleet is likely to want its pound of flesh. Your demotion of us was only the first step. And even if we never make it back, what kind of a life can we have on Voyager? We're shunned by many of the crew, they avoid us like the plague. How can we possibly hope to be considered the same as everyone else?"  
  
"The Maquis faced those very same challenges and are now as much a part of this family as any of the original Starfleet crew. You have to give it time. They have earned a place on this ship and they all know I will fight for them with everything I have, when, and if, we return home."  
  
He scowled at her, rose to his feet and began to pace, "And will you do the same for us? The situation is a little different isn't it? Back then you needed them. You'd lost many of your original crew when you were stranded out here. Will you fight for us as you say you will fight for them?"  
  
Lifting her head into the air, she mustered all the command presence she could given her situation, "Yes, I will."  
  
He came toward her so fast she almost knocked the chair over trying to pull back away from him, "I don't believe you. Your little mind games won't work on me Captain. You'd say anything to get me to let you out of here."  
  
At this point, he was probably right, but what she had said was the truth. Even though their situations were somewhat different, there was no mistaking that the Equinox crew were now criminals in the eyes of Starfleet and Federation law as much as the Maquis. It was something she was concerned about being able to deal with should they return home, but she was convinced that circumstances in the Delta Quadrant can and should be considered in any tribunal. All of them had earned the right for special dispensation of their cases and she would indeed fight for that with all her strength if need be. Nevertheless, Noah Lessing was apparently in no mood to hear what she had to say so she chose not to reply.  
  
Catching a glimpse at the computer terminal on her desk, she saw that it was now only 0430. Still much to early in the morning for anyone to notice she was in essence, missing. The bridge crew on duty would assume that she was still working and didn't wish to be disturbed, or that she had exited through the rear door to her quarters. Unless something went wrong, no one would notice her absence until 0630 or so when she normally appeared on the bridge somewhat in advance of the beginning of Alpha shift. She needed to do something to attract attention or she just might not live long enough for someone to come looking for her.  
  
She had no idea what her foe had in mind, but she was certain that just sitting here and waiting to find out was not the best choice. Of course she could probably argue with him and create such a commotion that the security officer on duty would hear and raise the alarm, but by then, she could be seriously hurt or worse. At least there would be a chance the Doctor could do something about it. Before she had time to think about it anymore, she was stuck hard across the face again. This time near her right eye. Her head snapped back with the blow and she had to work at it to shake the cobwebs.  
  
"I asked you a question Captain. Apparently, you weren't listening to me. That won't happen again now will it?"  
  
Still clearing the fog from her brain, she managed to shake her head to indicate it would not and then followed with indignation, "Alright Lessing, just exactly what are you after? If you're planning to kill me then let's just get it over with, if not, there has to be something else you want."  
  
He stood back from her, rubbing the hand he had just used to strike her. "That's it Captain, cut to the chase. Well, truth is, I want you to face up to what you did. Then you will stand in judgement. My judgement."  
  
'Well, this could prove interesting.' She thought. Exactly what did he mean by face up to what she'd done.  
  
She was about to find out.  
  
Reaching up to tap his commbadge and activate the signal he instructed, "Hail your First Officer and get him up here."  
  
She looked at him with incredible intensity, but said nothing.  
  
"If you know what's good for you, and if you care about what happens to this ship, you'll do it, now!" As he finished speaking, he pressed the knife to her throat again and used his free hand to pull what looked like a transmitter of some kind from inside his uniform jacket.  
  
Concerned about what that device could mean, she chose to play along, for now. "Janeway to Commander Chakotay." There was silence for a moment and she repeated her request, knowing that at this time of the morning he was most likely sound asleep.  
  
Within a few more seconds, her sleepy first officer replied. "Yes Kathryn, is there something wrong?"  
  
"As a matter of fact there is a problem. Can you come to my ready room please?" She wanted to tell him what the situation was, but she wasn't sure how Lessing would react.  
  
Chakotay, even when not completely awake, could detect something in her voice that just didn't sound right. "Are you alright? You don't sound it."  
  
Looking at Lessing she could tell he was getting impatient. "Just get up here Commander, that's an order. Janeway out."  
  
That got his full attention and Chakotay didn't like it. He didn't like it at all. Something was definitely wrong but he had no clue what it could possibly be. The ship was not on alert, there had been no summons of the senior officers to the bridge, this had to be something that only Kathryn was dealing with at the moment that no one else was aware of. Having no information as to what he was facing, he determined he should take some backup. Tuvok was the logical choice. Whether what was wrong was a matter of ship's business or personal, Kathryn would be comfortable with him involved.  
  
Quickly donning his uniform, he hailed Tuvok and explained the situation. Tuvok was more than willing to accompany Chakotay to the Captain's ready room given the curious circumstances. On the way to the bridge, neither spoke, both concerned about what they would find when they arrived.  
  
=/\=  
  
TBC 


	2. Chapter 2

Redemption  
  
Written - 8/20/02 Summary - It's the anniversary of the encounter with the Equinox and Noah Lessing has something special in mind to mark the occasion. Rating - PG  
  
Chapter 2  
  
When the turbolift stopped, both men entered the bridge to the surprised looks of the night shift. Lieutenant Rollins was the officer in charge and immediately inquired as to the meaning of their arrival. "Commander, is there something wrong?"  
  
"Not that we know of Lieutenant, at least not yet. We're here to see the Captain. We'll let you know if there's something we need."  
  
Rollins nodded and Chakotay and Tuvok continued through the bridge to the ready room door. "Tuvok, you wait here out of sight. I'll keep my comm signal open so that you can hear what goes on in there. If it's nothing serious, I'll close the signal and you're free to go about your business. If not, at least you'll know what we're up against."  
  
"Agreed." said the Vulcan in reply. Then he stepped back away from the door to wait.  
  
From inside the ready room, Lessing and Janeway both heard the door chime and were both filled with their own version of apprehension.  
  
"Let him in." commanded Lessing.  
  
She complied with a simple "Enter."  
  
When Chakotay walked through the door he froze in his tracks as soon as he caught sight of his commanding officer. She had her hands bound behind her back. Her right eye and the left side of her mouth were bruised and swollen and there was a small trickle of blood falling from the corner of her mouth. She also had an obvious knife wound on her throat that had bled significantly enough to leave a trail down her neck to stain the regulation tank top visible under the open collar of her dress uniform. Simply said, she looked terrible. Worst of all, Noah Lessing was directly behind her with the knife still at her throat and a small devise resting in his other hand. "Captain?" He questioned as he looked deeply into her blue eyes.  
  
She returned the intensity of his gaze and replied. "I'm alright Chakotay."  
  
Chakotay was somewhat less than convinced that was indeed true, but he was well aware she was trying to keep some level of control of the situation even if all she could control was herself.  
  
"Yes, she's alright for the moment Commander. But she won't stay that way, and neither will anyone else on this ship if you don't cooperate." Lessing said as he moved the hand with the device in it into view. "I've rigged an explosive device on this ship in a place that would cause Voyager's total destruction. Let's just say it's a little insurance that I get the time I need to deal with the Captain here." At that moment he depressed the button on the device and a small green indicator began to blink. "I've just armed it. Should anything happen to me before the completion of my plan, boom, no more Voyager."  
  
"How original." Chakotay muttered. The First Officer of Voyager was angry, very angry. First, for the fact that his best friend was in a situation that, for the moment at least, he was unable to do anything to change, but secondly for misjudging Lessing so badly. He had thought him to be a thoughtful, generally mild mannered individual. He never would have guessed he would do something like this, that there was so much hatred fueling a scheme like this in his mind. Moreover, to put the ship and the rest of the crew in such danger gave a real indication how far he would go to exact his revenge against the Captain. While he could be bluffing about sabotaging the ship, there was no doubt in his mind that Kathryn Janeway was in real trouble.  
  
Tuvok and most of the bridge crew were also hearing this exchange, as Chakotay had never stepped far enough into the ready room for the door to close. Several of the crew near the front of the bridge could also see their Captain and her predicament from where they sat at the forward bridge consoles. Tuvok took the initiative to move back away from the door and step to the tactical console. Within a few seconds he had sent a silent summons to his security detail for them to assemble in the briefing room immediately. He also contacted the senior staff with the same instruction. Before long, the rest of the ship would know something was wrong and the sooner they took control of the situation the better.  
  
After putting everything in motion and checking something in the computer a second time, Tuvok moved back down to Chakotay's level. He slid with his back along the wall to a position just behind him, being careful to stay out of the line of sight of the doorway. "Commander." He whispered.  
  
Chakotay heard Tuvok and nodded his head ever so slightly in acknowledgement so that Lessing wouldn't notice anything.  
  
Tuvok continued, "I've summoned the staff and a security detail to the briefing room. I must also inform you that the transporters are off-line."  
  
'Damn.' Thought Chakotay, but he only nodded again and took the extra step necessary for the ready room door to slide shut behind him. "Okay Noah, now we have some privacy. What is it that you want?"  
  
"I want the truth." Was his simple reply.  
  
Chakotay was puzzled. "What truth?"  
  
"I want everyone on this ship to know what she did. What she did to me, to the rest of the crew from the Equinox, and to you and everyone else on this ship a year ago. It's time she paid for it. All of the rest of us have." The venom in his voice sent a shiver down both Chakotay and the Captain's spines.  
  
Chakotay took the opportunity to make eye contact with his captain again. He could see the concern there. He knew it was not for herself, but for the rest of the crew. Knowing her the way he did, he was certain that she was now feeling guilty for her actions having put them all in jeopardy.  
  
Lessing's next comment interrupted Chakotay's train of thought. "Commander, you will find a PADD on the table in my quarters containing your instructions. I'll give you one hour to make the arrangements."  
  
"You can't expect me to march to your orders Crewman. Not and leave you alone with the Captain in this condition."  
  
"And why not?" he snapped in reply. "You follow her without question don't you? Something I'm sure you regretted a year ago. Well, I'm in control now, unless of course you want me to pass judgement right now." He said as he moved the knife into a position from which he could slit Janeway's throat from ear to ear in one swift motion. All the while oblivious to the fact that he was pressing it against her skin hard enough to draw blood yet again.  
  
Chakotay cringed as he looked at her. She had thrown her head back as far as she could in an attempt to get away from the knife blade, her expression one of determination, and her eyes transfixed on his. "Alright, alright, you're serious," he said, tossing his hands in the air as if motioning for Lessing to stop, "but whatever you have in mind, you seem to prefer her alive and somewhat coherent for a while yet. Let me send the Doctor in here to check her condition and I'll do as you say. You've got that detonator in your hand for insurance."  
  
Lessing thought about it for a moment and both the Commander and the Captain thought they saw a glimpse of the thoughtful side of him reappear. "Very well, I suppose I owe you that much, and this could take a while. We don't want her passing out on us or anything do we?" He taunted, looking down at Janeway and finally releasing some of the pressure of the knife on her throat, momentarily spellbound by the sight of the blood trailing a path down her neck. Turning back toward Chakotay he said, "You can call the doctor."  
  
Chakotay's hand was slapping his communicator before Noah could take his next breath. "Chakotay to sickbay."  
  
Given the hour, the EMH had shut down for the night. The Commander's hail elicited the pre-programmed response. "Please state the nature of the medical emergency."  
  
"Doctor, get your medical kit and report to the ready room on the double. The Captain. she's been hurt."  
  
"On my way."  
  
=/\=  
  
With that, they waited. Chakotay stood restlessly near the door, trying to communicate his support to his friend through the expression in his eyes all the while Noah Lessing held the knife against her perilously exposed throat. He could tell she was in pain. The position she was in had to be wrenching her shoulders out of their sockets about now. He had also caught a glimpse of her hands and they were becoming quite bruised and swollen, but she didn't flinch, and she didn't cry out. She endured it with a steely determination not to show any weakness to her captor.  
  
His gaze moved to scrutinize her tormentor. Lessing looked odd to him. Something wasn't right about his appearance, but he couldn't place exactly what. Chakotay's trained eye noticed that Noah's eyes were bloodshot and his hands seemed to tremble. The movement was slight, but constant. It could simply be nervousness over his current endeavor, or it could be more. Only time would tell.  
  
Chakotay knew just what this last year had been like for Kathryn Janeway. They had struggled to regain their previous working relationship after she had relieved him of duty during the crisis with the Equinox. It had taken time. Ironically, with all that had happened, his attitude wasn't the problem, although he would have had valid reason. He had more than forgiven her for what happened when he witnessed her dramatic change of demeanor when she had reinstated him after the loss of both Ransom and his ship. It was as if an evil curse had been broken and she was instantly transformed back into the person he respected and called friend. Yet, even after all this time, there were times when he felt an awkwardness in their relationship like a cold draft down the back of his neck. In those moments they walked on eggshells around each other, always overly formal, their conversations mostly business. He was convinced she was still punishing herself beyond reason and having great difficulty putting what happened in perspective enough to move beyond it.  
  
Within a few minutes, the door chime sounded breaking Chakotay's train of thought. "Come in Doctor, join the party." Lessing choked, wiping his sleeve across his now perspiration damp forehead.  
  
The Doctor entered the room by stepping around the Commander and stopped. He took in the situation before him and deferred to the Commander for instruction.  
  
Chakotay turned toward the crewman and questioned "Well, Lessing?"  
  
There was no response.  
  
The Doctor took the initiative, "Crewman Lessing, do you want me to treat her before or after you finish trying to kill her?" asked the EMH in his usual sarcastic tone. Of course, he did not yet realize how close he might be to the truth of the situation.  
  
While there was nothing funny about her predicament, there was a distinct smirk on the Captain's face in response to the Doctor's observation.  
  
After a long pause, Lessing released her and stepped behind the desk to stay out of easy reach of the Doctor as he treated the Captain. "Alright Doctor, you may examine your patient." Then he leaned heavily against the back wall and watched.  
  
The Doctor stepped quickly forward and ran a tricorder over her. "Deep throat lacerations, concussion, severe contusion to the right eye socket, extreme muscle strain to the shoulders, and a dangerous lack of circulation to the hands." Looking deeply into her intense blue eyes, he completed his assessment if her condition, "But other than that you're in fine shape Captain." Reaching into his medical kit he began to pull out the instruments he needed to treat her injuries.  
  
Lessing immediately became agitated and lurched upright toward the desk, his body movement jerky and uncoordinated. "I want her alert for several more hours Doctor, that's all, understood?"  
  
"Crewman, I must protest."  
  
"Protest all you like, but only what's necessary. Or I swear, I'll blow this ship to kingdom come."  
  
The Doctor turned back to the Commander for a decision. "Do as he says Doctor." Chakotay replied, watching Lessing even more closely than before. There was definitely something wrong with him. If they were to deal with this situation effectively, they would have to find out what it was.  
  
"Very well." The Doctor first administered a hypospray that contained something to ease her discomfort as well as a mild stimulant. He then ran a regenerator over the cuts on her neck to prevent further bleeding, adjusted the setting on the instrument and then ran it over the side of her face to relieve the effects of the concussion. When he had finished with these, he spoke. "I will need to untie her to treat her hands and wrists."  
  
"No!" Argued Lessing.  
  
The doctor stood and stared at him "Crewman, I assure you this is necessary, otherwise I promise you, she will not be able to continue with whatever you have in mind. The bindings are simply too tight."  
  
"Fine," he spat, "do what you have to, but she gets tied up again when you're finished."  
  
The Doctor shook his head, but moved quickly into position where he could reach the bindings and swiftly untied them. Janeway immediately lurched forward as if attached to a taught spring that had just had one end released. The Doctor caught her in his arms before she fell completely forward to the floor and settled her back in the chair. "Easy Captain."  
  
She looked up at him with a weak smile, "Thank you Doctor." She said as she pulled her hands up to rest in her lap. The movement straining her abused shoulders and caused her to wince.  
  
The Doctor treated the angry marks on her wrists with the regenerator and then massaged her hands to improve her circulation. Surprisingly enough, it was an intensely painful experience. Her hands had gone from a slight tingling sensation, to feeling as though they were asleep, to completely numb, a long time ago. Now that the circulation was returning, it felt as though a thousand tiny needles were poking into her flesh. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply through clenched teeth.  
  
"I'm sorry Captain." Said the Doctor. "I don't have a better way to do this right at the moment."  
  
With sweat forming on her brow she replied, "Understood."  
  
The Doctor finished his ministrations and stood, glaring at Lessing. "Well, I've done as you asked, now what?"  
  
"Then leave." He said as he motioned toward the ready room door with the knife.  
  
The EMH again looked toward the Commander for acknowledgement and when he received a nod he knew he should go. Before complying, he looked down at the Captain. "Whatever this is about Captain, take care of yourself."  
  
She looked up at him still rubbing her sore wrists and said, "I'll do my best."  
  
"Enough Doctor, out!" Exclaimed Lessing.  
  
"Alright, I'm going, no need to get impatient." with that the EMH replaced the last of the items he had used back into the medical kit and left the room, sharing a glance with the Commander on his way out.  
  
Lessing motioned to Chakotay. "Now you can tie her up again. And make it good, I'll be checking to make sure."  
  
Chakotay hated the thought of causing Kathryn more discomfort, but at least if he was the one to tie her, he could make sure the bindings were secure, but not constricting and painful as before. As he approached her, the two of them made eye contact again. "Sorry about this." He said to her quietly as he turned and then knelt behind her. "I wish I didn't have to do this, but for the moment I don't see we have much choice."  
  
She slowly dropped her hands to her sides and moved them toward the back of the chair so he could reach them. "It's okay Chakotay, better do as he says until we find out what he's really up to."  
  
"Something's wrong with him Kathryn, have you noticed his eyes?" Chakotay whispered.  
  
Kathryn Janeway distinctly remembered being up close and personal with him and part of her initial reaction was to the look in his eyes. Now that Chakotay mentioned it, she had noticed the look of his eyes as well. She simply hadn't registered it with everything else that was going on. She nodded her acknowledgment.  
  
Lessing could hear them speaking to each other from where he stood, but he couldn't make out the words, "That's enough chit-chat over there. Just do as I asked Commander. You're cutting into your hour as we speak."  
  
Chakotay lifted her hands as gently as he could and crossed them behind the chair but left her arm position as relaxed as he could so as not to strain her already abused shoulders any more than necessary. Holding her hands in position, he then picked up the cable on the floor and secured her wrists together with it. It was tight enough that she wouldn't be able to pull loose, but wouldn't restrict her circulation. He then stood, resting his hand on her shoulder, "How does that feel?"  
  
"Better than last time Chakotay, thank you. Now do as Noah here asked and get that PADD. I'm anxious to get on with whatever it is he has in mind."  
  
"Good advice Captain, but I'm not sure I'd be so anxious if I were you. But then, you'll find out about that soon enough. Move away from her Commander, back by the door."  
  
Chakotay complied with the request and Lessing then walked around the desk until he was again behind the Captain. He reached down and grabbed her tied wrists roughly, pulling on the bindings to make sure they were secure. The Captain responded with a grunting sound low in her throat but said nothing.  
  
"Ok, I'm satisfied she's not going to get loose. Get going. I'll expect you back here in less than an hour and with my instructions followed to the letter."  
  
Chakotay wasn't sure he wanted to leave with no one to keep an eye on the situation from inside the ready room. "Fine, but I'm not leaving her alone with you."  
  
Lessing cut him off, "You most certainly are!" he barked as he moved the knife into a threatening position again. "She's in more immediate danger if you don't follow my instructions."  
  
"Chakotay, it's alright, get going. I'll see you in an hour." She tried to be reassuring and commanding at the same time, and as usual, it worked. He would do as Lessing asked, not because he had requested it, but because his commanding officer had, in essence, ordered it.  
  
"Aye Captain." He said to indicate both his compliance and his respect for her. She smiled back at him. "You harm her in any way while I'm gone Noah and all bets are off, no matter how much you threaten the safety of this ship. Understood."  
  
To his credit, Lessing said nothing and simply watched as the Commander glanced quickly in the Captain's direction and then left the ready room.  
  
After Chakotay left the room, Lessing relaxed noticeably and moved the few steps necessary to sit atop the Captain's desk. "Well, Captain, it's just us again, read any good books lately?"  
  
"Oh that's good crewman, really good, small talk and bad humor to relieve the tension." She said as she shifted her position slightly so she could see him but keep her hands and arms in as comfortable a position as possible. "You must be delusional if you think I'll play along. But then again, you're obviously delusional to think that you can get anywhere with whatever this little scheme in the first place, I guess I shouldn't be surprised."  
  
Angry again, Lessing declared "Delusional Captain, I don't think so. You haven't even heard my plan yet, how can you be so certain it won't succeed? Let me give you a little hint. As far as I'm concerned, I have nothing to lose and everything to gain out of what I have in mind. And the thought of what your staff could do to me when all this is over doesn't worry me in the least. It certainly can't be any worse than what I've already been through. So I'd be very careful about making any assumptions at this point."  
  
She noticed his interesting choice of words. He had clearly said her staff and not her. Whatever he was up to, the end result was clear. He wasn't planning for her to be around for the aftermath. As for himself, he was obviously not concerned with his own welfare. Exactly what she was up against she still did not know, but his ultimate goal had been determined. She only hoped that somehow she and Chakotay would be able to sway the outcome of this game in her favor.  
  
=/\=  
  
TBC 


	3. Chapter 3

Redemption  
  
Written - 8/20/02 Summary - It's the anniversary of the encounter with the Equinox and Noah Lessing has something special in mind to mark the occasion. Rating - PG  
  
Chapter 3  
  
When Chakotay left the ready room, he found Tuvok waiting anxiously for him. Well, at least as anxious as a Vulcan could look. "Send one of your security officers to Lessing's quarters. There should be a PADD on the table there. Have it brought to the briefing room." Chakotay ordered as Tuvok fell in along side him and they strode across the bridge. Tuvok motioned to one of his team who immediately entered the turbolift on his way to follow Chakotay's orders. "Is the staff assembled?" Chakotay asked.  
  
"Yes Commander. All accounted for. We have been monitoring your conversation, how is Captain Janeway?"  
  
Chakotay responded with a somber tone in his voice. "A little banged up, but nothing life threatening for the moment. Unfortunately, I think our friend Lessing has something much more serious in mind."  
  
As he finished his statement, the doors to the briefing room opened to reveal the concerned faces of Voyager's senior staff and a number of security officers. Walking toward the head of the table, he grabbed B'Elanna Torres by the arm and pulled her aside, "I understand the transporters are out?"  
  
"Yes they are. Lessing must have been planning this for some time. He's done a masterful job of sabotaging the system. He's got everything so scrambled up that even with my best team on it I still estimate at least four to five hours to sort it all out. At this point we're still trying to find the source of the problem."  
  
"Understood, keep me posted on their progress." As he brushed past B'Elanna and took his seat he turned to Harry, "What about life support, could we shut down the system to the ready room, maybe send an airborne tranquilizing agent through the ventilation system?"  
  
"Already looked into that Commander, he's thought of that too. The circuits are jammed and it's the same as the transporters, I can't locate the source yet to get an estimate on how long it will take to regain full control."  
  
The rest of the officers in the room took their usual seats around the table and Chakotay ran a hand through his hair as he spoke to the group. "Well, it looks as though our disgruntled crewman has covered all the bases. All the obvious options on getting the Captain out of there are unavailable to us for the time being. Anyone have a chance to check into the validity of this threat of his about being able to blow up the ship?"  
  
Tom took the opportunity offered and chimed in, "Tuvok and I have been looking into that. It seems the device he has in the ready room is sending out some kind of an encrypted signal ever since he pressed the control button. We've narrowed the receiver down to somewhere in the warp system, either the core, the plasma conduits, or the nacelles. Any way you look at it, it's entirely possible his threat is real. We won't know for sure for a while yet."  
  
Just then the security officer entered from the rear door of the briefing room and brought the PADD retrieved from Lessing's cabin directly to Chakotay. The room became deathly quiet as he read the information to himself. In essence, Kathryn Janeway was to stand trial for her actions during the incident with the Equinox a year ago, and Noah Lessing would serve as judge and jury.  
  
"What does it say Commander?" inquired Harry when Chakotay looked up from the PADD.  
  
"It says we have a lot of work to do and very little time to do it in. Gather round people, we need a plan, and fast." He stood and motioned for all of them to assemble at the front of the computer console in the wall.  
  
Over the next half an hour they examined Lessing's demands. He had compiled a list of all the people he wanted to question in conjunction with this so- called trial. It consisted of former Equinox crewmembers, specifically Angelo Tessoni and Marla Gilmore, as well as several members of Janeway's senior staff, B'Elanna Torres, Commander Tuvok and last but not least, Chakotay himself. The instructions identified that those individuals should be on the bridge through the proceedings and would be called to answer questions one at a time. He would not tolerate more than one person in the room with he and the Captain at any one time. Also, the whole affair was to be broadcast to the entire crew through the comm system.  
  
"How is he going to tell whether or not we broadcast throughout the ship?" Tom asked.  
  
Seven replied, "Actually, there are any number of ways. He could be monitoring comm channel performance, he may have monitors hidden somewhere in key locations around the ship to pick up the transmissions, he may also have other individuals helping him."  
  
"I find that hard to believe Seven. He's given every indication that he's in this alone. While he's apparently put a great deal of thought into all of this, I tend to believe it's an act of singular passion on his part. He obviously thinks he has something to prove where the Captain is concerned, and given the circumstances, we have no choice but to play along until we can figure out what kind of danger the ship is in."  
  
"That is correct Commander." offered Tuvok. "Even if we are able to get the transporters operational, unless we can eliminate the source of his threat, we cannot take the chance of using them on either Lessing himself or the Captain. It could have disastrous results."  
  
"Agreed. Tuvok, gather the rest of the people on this list and get them up here to the briefing room. We'll set this up as our command post and all of us can observe what's going on in the ready room from here. I want the rest of the Equinox crew up here as well, and anyone that Lessing has become particularly close to from the Starfleet or Maquis crew. Maybe they can provide further insight on him, that is if they'll cooperate. Doctor, I want you here as well. I want you to observe Noah closely. I have a hunch there's more to this than meets the eye. When I was in with him earlier, I got the impression that there is something physically wrong with him. I could use your insight on that. I'm also afraid that your services may unfortunately be required where the Captain is concerned." He paused and looked around the table at the concerned faces of the staff. "I want all of you who are not on his interview list at your posts keeping everything running smoothly and relaying any findings on the device to us in here." They nodded in agreement but remained silent. "And don't worry people, we'll get ourselves and the Captain out of this. Now, we have approximately 15 minutes. Let's finish getting everything in place."  
  
The staff filed out to their appointed tasks one by one. Tuvok met with his security staff then set a rotation of two officers on each of the ready room doors through the next eight hours. He then sent the rest of the team out to assist the engineering and operations teams. Their task, scouring the ship and it's systems looking for a clue that would get the transporters back on line and deactivate whatever device Lessing might have planted.  
  
=/\=  
  
Noah Lessing began preparing the room for the next phase of his plan. As he worked, he did everything he could to avoid eye contact with Kathryn Janeway, avoid seeing the evidence of what he'd already done to her. Pent- up energy was tingling through every fiber of his being, and his mind raced, as he tried to keep thoughts of what he still intended to do in order. He'd been planning this for so long, and now that he had finally worked up the nerve to go through with it, he couldn't allow himself to fail.  
  
Part of him wanted to run away from all this, deep down he was knew he was making a big mistake, that this was not the way to handle his problems. But somehow, he couldn't see any other way forward, couldn't prevent himself from following this to, what was in his mind at least, it's logical conclusion. He'd tried for so long to work through things on his own, to move beyond that almost constant depression and guilt he had felt on the Equinox. He was instrumental in developing the technology that had allowed them to travel forward on the bodies of the dead aliens and he'd never forgiven himself for it. He did what he had to, or more precisely, what Ransom and Burke had ordered him to, but he had hated every moment of it. And then, Janeway and Voyager had come along, passing judgement and stressing his fragile sense of loyalty even further. In the end, he had convinced himself that her actions had sent him over the edge, forced him into defending something and someone even he didn't believe in, because to do otherwise would betray his friends, his Equinox family.  
  
Then, suddenly, as fast as his doubts had surfaced, he shook his head and scrubbed his eyes with his free hand and reminded himself that he wasn't the problem, she was. 'Kathryn the not so Great', as Angelo had nicknamed her, the venerated Captain of the Starship Voyager, so distant, so aloof, so holier than thou. She ruled from on high, letting her first officer, or her security chief, handle all the real work. If she really gave a damn, she would have done more, done something, done anything, to deal personally with the few sole survivors of the Equinox. Damn the Delta Quadrant, damn Starfleet, and damn all their Captains to the farthest corner of hell.  
  
As his anger forced him to return his focus on the task at hand, his palms began to sweat and his eyes became increasingly more sensitive to the light in the room. "Computer, lights 60%!" he shouted at the air and then continued his work.  
  
Kathryn Janeway had taken the temporary lull in the action to observe Noah Lessing. At least when he was in a position for her to be able to observe him. It was clear he wanted to stay out of her line of sight most of the time. Chakotay's comment about his eyes became plainly obvious to her at one point when he had leaned against the wall directly in her line of sight for a few seconds. Both appeared terribly bloodshot, she even thought she caught a glimpse of his pupils, they appeared to be dilated much more than they should be and that was likely responsible for his need to dim the lights. She had even noticed the same shaking in his hands that her first officer had noticed. Above all, he looked restless and nervous, his body language that of a caged animal stalking the limits of it's available space. She wondered what could be causing it. Was it possible that Noah had some form of ailment that was triggering all this?  
  
Before she could ponder the idea further, Lessing began to shift the positions of some of the items in the room. First, he carried her computer console to the other side of the room and propped it in the corner near the end of the sofa. Once that was done, he ordered her to turn herself and her chair to a somewhat different position, one that directly faced the computer. He spent several more minutes maneuvering furniture until he was finally satisfied that everything was in place, then he ordered her to contact her first officer.  
  
=/\=  
  
"Janeway to Chakotay." The comm transmission came at exactly sixty minutes from the time Chakotay had left the ready room. Immediately the conversation in the briefing room came to an abrupt halt.  
  
"Chakotay here Captain."  
  
"Crewman Lessing wants to know if you have everything ready." It must have been a difficult and uncomfortable hour for her, but her voice was clear and strong, unafraid.  
  
"Yes, we have everything prepared per his instructions."  
  
She cleared her throat before she continued and Chakotay couldn't help but envision Lessing with his knife to her neck again. "Then he wants you to start the ship-wide transmission and send in Marla Gilmore."  
  
"Understood." He closed the link and looked at Marla, who in turn looked nervously at him. She had arrived in the room only a few minutes before and Chakotay had just finished briefing her and the others on Lessing's list on the situation. "You know what to do Marla, just follow his instructions and answer any questions honestly. Tuvok, will you escort her please?" Tuvok and Marla exited the briefing room through the door to the bridge and Chakotay followed until he turned and went to join Harry at the ops station. "It's time."  
  
"Aye Sir." Harry replied and within seconds, the viewscreen filled with an image of the ready room. The entire room was visible from the vantagepoint of the sofa near the viewport. Lessing obviously positioning the console there so they would have an optimum view of the room. It took only a few seconds more for those on the bridge, in the briefing room, and throughout the rest of the ship to get their first good look at Kathryn Janeway since being taken hostage. Lessing had turned her so she now faced directly in view of the monitor instead of the main door. There was a collective gasp as they saw her bruised and swollen face, her split lip, and the lacerations and blood on her neck.  
  
Chakotay observed that the bruises and swelling had gotten worse in the last hour without better treatment, but she was sitting up straight, at least as much as her bound hands would allow, and her chin was held high. Lessing had taken a seat directly behind her on the edge of the desk. He did not appear threatening at the moment, probably in an attempt to put Marla more at ease, but neither Chakotay or Tuvok were fooled. They were well aware he was still within easy reach of the Captain.  
  
=/\=  
  
Marla crossed the ready room very slowly, uncertain as to what she would face.  
  
Janeway looked over her shoulder, watching closely as Marla entered the room, and tried to offer some reassurance. "It's alright Marla."  
  
Lessing jumped in, probably trying to make sure he appeared to be the one in control. "Hi Marla. There's nothing to be afraid of. Take a seat." He said, pointing to the other chair he had position several feet from the Captain where it could be clearly seen through the transmission, but far enough away to prevent anyone from being close enough to easily challenge him.  
  
His first interview was quite brief. Marla had not had any real contact with the Captain during the encounter with Ransom and the Equinox. Lessing spent the entire time asking her questions about what things had been like on their ship. His intent obviously to lay groundwork for people to understand why they had followed Ransom and what had driven them to do what they had done. To some extent it worked. Marla was well liked by her new crew, more so than most of the others from the Equinox. She was an excellent engineer and she got along with everyone. And while she wasn't exactly outgoing, she was open and honest and easy to get to know. Everyone also knew that she carried some emotional baggage from her time in the Delta Quadrant and the experiences on the Equinox and they felt sympathy for her. She was still afraid, even after all this time, to spend more time than necessary in a turbolift.  
  
During questioning, Marla couldn't help but stare at the Captain. She was shocked by what Noah had done to her. She would never have thought him capable of such wanton and single minded violence toward another human being. Even with everything that had happened on the Equinox, Noah had been one of the few who wasn't hardened to the elimination of the aliens. She wondered exactly what had so plainly changed him now. Her experience on Voyager hadn't been all that bad. Yes, she'd been demoted along with the rest of them, but she at least felt she had been treated well, especially by Chakotay and B'Elanna and the engineering staff.  
  
As for her opinion of Janeway herself, while she hadn't been thrilled by the demotion of all the Equinox survivors, she fundamentally understood Captain Janeway's action. She knew Janeway really had very little choice. She and Voyager had saved their lives and Ransom and his crew had returned the favor by leaving them to an uncertain fate at the hands of the aliens. Quite frankly, as far as Marla was concerned, to receive only a demotion under the circumstances was probably a gift.  
  
Janeway noticed Marla's scrutiny, and forced herself to maintain eye contact with the young woman through her questioning, with a truly heartfelt expression of compassion for her situation. She hoped it conveyed some reassurance to her.  
  
Marla noticed Janeway's response and took it as intended. It surprised her a little. The fact that the Captain could think of anyone else in the predicament she was in was quite a testament to her true character. Marla was also quite surprised when after only a few questions Noah let her go. She felt happy to have the whole experience over with, but was somewhat reluctant to leave the Captain in her condition. Knowing she could do nothing to help for now, she stood, took one long last look into the Captain's eyes, turned and exited the room.  
  
=/\=  
  
When Marla exited the ready room, she found Tuvok waiting for her to escort her to the briefing room where Chakotay was questioning several crewmembers about Lessing and his recent frame of mind. The Commander was just finishing an interview with Bryan Soffin when she entered through the door from the bridge. As he motioned her to take the recently vacated seat, she noticed the viewscreen on the wall displaying a constant feed of the activity in the ready room. She closed her eyes and turned her head away from the display, having had more than enough of the view during her own questioning.  
  
"Marla, are you alright?" Chakotay inquired as he rested on hand on her shoulder in reassurance.  
  
She forced her emotions deeper beneath the surface and focused her gaze on his chin as he took a seat opposite her. "I'm fine Commander, thank you for asking."  
  
He noticed the lack of eye contact, but continued anyway. "I know that was difficult for you, but you handled yourself well in there, you can be proud of yourself."  
  
"Thank you Sir."  
  
He removed his hand and offered her a cup of water, pouring it from a pitcher on the table. She acknowledged the cool liquid gratefully by nodding her head as she took the cup and drank, resting it back on the table after draining it.  
  
"I wish I didn't have to ask you more questions, but I'm sure you realize I need to understand why Noah would do something like this. I know the six of you from the Equinox have spent a great deal of time together in the last year. I'm hoping you can help me understand why Noah would have done something like this. Were you aware of any changes in his behavior recently?"  
  
Marla signed heavily and took the time to clear her mind of the questioning in the ready room and focus on the Commander's request. She knew what he wanted to know and she wanted to help him. Looking back over the last year, with the benefit of seeing what Noah had become, she began to talk. "Now that you mention it, Noah has spent more and more time over the last several months by himself. He's become almost reclusive. When he did come and spend time with the rest of us, he seemed uptight all the time. He'd get mad and fly off the handle about some of the silliest things. He even began to remember recent events differently than everyone else. When we'd try to correct him, he got agitated and would usually run off to his quarters."  
  
"Did he ever speak of a grudge against Captain Janeway, direct any anger toward her?"  
  
"Not at first. Angelo was the one who wouldn't keep his mouth shut about it, but you know all about that."  
  
Chakotay knew exactly to what she was referring. Several weeks after the destruction of the Equinox, Chakotay, Tuvok and a security team had broken up a fistfight in the mess hall instigated by Crewman Tessoni spouting some extremely derogatory remarks about the Captain. Several of the Maquis crew took exception to his attitude and defended her honor. Ironically, Noah Lessing had been right in the middle of the fray, trying to break it up. My how things had changed.  
  
"When did you first hear that Noah might be harboring some of the same opinion?" he asked.  
  
Marla thought hard about it, knowing that this was an important point. "I think it was about three months ago. We were all hanging around in Sandrines and watching Captain Janeway trounce Tom Paris at the pool table. I remember it was one of the few times I'd seen her at a ship's social function since we came aboard. As usual, Angelo started something. He made some kind of a comment under his breath. He'd had a couple of drinks and was getting obnoxious. Most of us ignore him when he gets like that. This time, Noah grabbed him by the arm and led him away from the rest of us, but not far enough. We could clearly hear the two of them as they stood there glaring at Captain Janeway and making snide remarks. It was pretty rough. I'd rather not repeat any of it if you don't mind?"  
  
Chakotay shook his head. Marla's information was the last that he needed to gather. He had pieced together a picture of a man who, for some as yet unknown reason, had changed dramatically recently, even to the point of surprising those closest to him. "Thank you Marla, you've helped put some things in perspective for me. You can go now."  
  
Marla Gilmore rose from her seat and began to move away from the table toward the door as the Commander turned and began reviewing and recording information in a PADD. She took several steps and then stopped and turned to face Chakotay once again. "Commander Chakotay?"  
  
Turning toward her, he focused his dark eyes on hers, "Yes."  
  
"I hope this all works out alright, especially for Captain Janeway."  
  
Chakotay was noticeably moved by the sincerity in her expression. "As do I Crewman. On behalf of the Captain, I thank you for your concern." He looked at her for a long moment until she dropped her head to break eye contact, turned on her heels in almost military fashion, and left the room.  
  
=/\=  
  
Angelo Tessoni was Lessing's next interview. He walked purposefully into the room and glanced in Lessing's direction first, nodding to him.  
  
"Have a seat." Lessing said, motioning toward the chair so recently vacated by Gilmore.  
  
Angelo turned toward the chair and finally caught a good long look at Janeway as he moved toward the chair and sat as requested. He glared at her at first, then, noticing her physical condition more closely, his expression softened almost imperceptibly.  
  
Noah questioned him in a similar manner as he had Marla. He spent a good deal of time asking about their experiences on the Equinox and how they had all felt, losing so many in the crew, under constant attack, the fear and deprivation they had lived through.  
  
When Tessoni was finished discussing the Equinox, Lessing went on to ask him about his life on Voyager. His experience was a little different than Marla's, and mostly because of his personality. Janeway remembered reading Chakotay's personnel reports related to the Equinox crewmembers. Angelo had been a concern. Chakotay felt he wasn't adjusting very well. He had proven to be the type to hold a grudge and wear it over his heart like a badge of honor. He was openly resentful of the demotion, and had a similar opinion to the one Lessing expressed, that Janeway hadn't tried to understand their circumstances, she had simply judged them guilty. When Lessing asked him about that, Angelo responded that he wondered just what they were supposed to be guilty of, following the orders of their captain and superior officers? In his eyes, Janeway's actions had proven she was no better than what they had left behind. He stated emphatically that he felt she was the type who would keelhaul anyone who disobeyed her.  
  
Lowering her head to her chest she took a deep breath and tried to clear her head. Angelo's statement bothered her more than she would have thought possible after all this time. If he felt that way, it was her fault. She should have taken the time to work personally with each of the Equinox crew. She had truly meant to, but there never seemed to be the time. In the end, she had entrusted that to her junior officers, and largely to Chakotay. It was his job as Voyager's first officer to handle personnel matters, but nevertheless, circumstances were anything by normal, and she should have taken the time. Now she might never get the chance.  
  
=/\=  
  
Chakotay had only re-entered the bridge moments before, taking his position in his command chair. He and the rest of the crew now watched the proceedings in the viewscreen with barely concealed concern as they noticed her drop her head. "Doctor, is she alright?" He asked quietly, leaning to the medical officer seated to his left on the command level.  
  
The doctor turned toward him and spoke softly in response. "As well as can be expected under the circumstances I would say. She's in a very stressful situation, both physically and mentally. I'm sure it's taking it's toll. Unfortunately, there is no way to tell for certain without being able to obtain a signal from her comm badge."  
  
"Any insights into the condition of our friend Lessing?" Chakotay asked.  
  
"I've been observing his behavior and I've taken several readings from his combadge. His body temperature is significantly elevated and his heart rate is fluctuating to the point where I'm surprised he hasn't passed out on more than one occasion. I've also been able to discern that his hands are trembling almost constantly, and he's apparently sensitive to light. He just reduced the light level in the ready room considerably. While I'm convinced there is something physically wrong with him, I simply do not possess enough information to form a reasonable hypothesis as to the root cause. Moreover, and more importantly, I have nothing to provide you that would assist you in dealing with him. I am truly sorry Commander. I wish there was more I could tell you."  
  
While it wasn't very reassuring, it was all the doctor had to offer. "Well, keep on it. Maybe something will make sense given a little more time." Turning back to the screen, they noticed that Lessing had finished with his second witness. Chakotay found it interesting that he had so far not asked any questions of the Captain.  
  
While he contemplated what that could mean, Lessing hailed him. "Lessing to Commander Chakotay."  
  
"Chakotay here." He replied as he heard the ready room door swish open and shut allowing Angelo Tessoni to exit. Chakotay stared at him as he continued to walk to the upper level of the bridge and join the other crewmembers watching the proceedings at the rail. The Commander would deal with Angelo's issues later, but for now he clearly conveyed is disapproval through the thinly veiled expression of irritation in his eyes.  
  
"I want Commander Tuvok in here next." Lessing declared.  
  
"Very well." Chakotay turned toward Tuvok and he nodded and moved around his console on his way to the ready room door. "He's on his way."  
  
Chakotay turned back to the viewscreen and noticed that Kathryn was now making every effort to sit upright again, her shoulders squared and her jaw set. Her captain's mask now firmly back in place as Tuvok entered the room.  
  
=/\=  
  
TBC 


	4. Chapter 4

Redemption  
  
Written - 8/20/02  
  
Summary - It's the anniversary of the encounter with the Equinox and Noah Lessing has something special in mind to mark the occasion.  
  
Rating - PG  
  
Chapter 4  
  
When Tuvok walked into the ready room, he acknowledged his captain first. Standing at attention he looked her straight in the eye and nodded. She nodded in return, both of them silently acknowledging their mutual respect and their unique friendship, and knowing that whatever was about to happen would not change either of those aspects of their relationship.  
  
Lessing however seemed agitated by Tuvok's lack of attention to him. "Commander. take a seat." He demanded with barely contained contempt. Once Tuvok was seated in the makeshift witness chair, he continued. "As you know Commander, the topic at hand is Voyager's encounter with the Equinox a year ago. I'd like you to recall the events you witnessed leading up to, and immediately following the Captain relieving Commander Chakotay of duty.  
  
Janeway had known he would ask Tuvok about these events. She was relatively confident he could not know everything that had happened between her and her senior staff. How could he? Several of the incidents she was least proud of had not involved anyone but herself and either Tuvok or Chakotay, one on one, or with the Ankari. There was also the fact that this was not a true court of law and he was under no oath other than that of a Starfleet officer and his own integrity. Tuvok would not readily reveal information he preferred not to. Unless of course he felt it was the only logically alternative. That single bit of uncertainty was enough to keep her on edge.  
  
Lessing took a deep breath and began his questioning. "Commander Tuvok, you were present on the bridge when Voyager fist made contact with the Ankari, correct?"  
  
"That is correct." He answered, obviously volunteering no more information than was directly requested.  
  
"Can you tell me whether or not the Ankari were willing to speak to us when Voyager made initial contact?"  
  
The fact that the Ankari had not initially cooperated was not widely known, but it was part of the official bridge log of that period as well as those of several members of the bridge crew. Lessing could have come by that information easily enough with nothing more than a little research. "That is correct Crewman. The Ankari were understandably reluctant to make contact with another Starfleet vessel."  
  
Lessing knew he would have to work hard to get the information he wanted out of Tuvok. Based on the answer to the first question, he was right. Tuvok would obviously do all he could to force a positive interpretation on the Captain's actions. What none of them knew was that he had an ace up his sleeve that he would be more than willing to play if the officers closest to the Captain chose not to cooperate. He was determined to have the truth, all of it, out in the open, and he would stop and nothing to get it. "And just exactly how did the Captain choose to get the Ankari to help?"  
  
Tuvok looked at his Janeway. She nodded almost imperceptibly, giving him silent permission to answer the question. "She ordered me to lock a tractor beam on the Ankari vessel."  
  
"Is that standard Starfleet protocol in a first contact situation?"  
  
"Under normal circumstances it is not, however."  
  
Lessing cut him off in mid-sentence. "I'm not asking you for your opinion, just for the facts. And the fact in this case is that Janeway forced the Ankari to help you, even after you reiterated that they had done nothing to deserve having their ship seized, didn't she?"  
  
"If you want the facts Crewman Lessing, you should listen to all of them." Tuvok stated emphatically. "The information the Ankari could provide us was necessary in making contact with the aliens that were attacking us. It was necessary to ensure the safety of the ship and crew."  
  
Lessing grew even more animated, "Maybe, maybe not. Captain Janeway certainly didn't entertain any alternatives did she. No, she immediately forced the Ankari to cooperate and in the process risked the safety of the very ship you say she was committed to protecting. It all depends on how you look at it doesn't it Commander?"  
  
Unfortunately, Tuvok knew there was logic in Lessing's argument so he chose to remain silent.  
  
"Isn't it also true that Janeway made a deal with the aliens after the Ankari summoned them for you? A deal that would have turned all of us on the Equinox over to the aliens in order to save yourselves?"  
  
Janeway looked intently at Tuvok now. There had only been the two of them in the cargo bay with the Ankari at the time. How did Lessing know about that particular bargain?  
  
Tuvok looked about as stunned as a Vulcan could look. "That's a strong accusation Crewman."  
  
Lessing's smile was patently accusatory. "Oh is that so Commander?" Time to play that ace he'd been holding. He reached behind him and tapped a control button on the Captain's desk console. Within seconds the entire ship could hear Tuvok, speaking through his personal log entries, relate exactly what had happened in the cargo bay with the Ankari and the aliens.  
  
=/\=  
  
On the bridge, there was a mixed reaction to the revelation. Most of the crew simply looked somewhat stunned. Several others muttered softly to those around them. Chakotay was the only clearly audible response as he exclaimed, "Oh spirits, he's tapped into personal logs." He let his own statement trail off unfinished, as he realized he had actually said it out loud.  
  
At their respective stations, the rest of the senior staff kept the revelations from the ready room in perspective. They focused their concentration on the priority at hand and worked furiously to identify the systems that Lessing had tampered with and to try to locate the source of the problems. There was no time to waste if they had any chance at all of removing Lessing's advantage over them. If they could at least identify, locate and deactivate the device Lessing controlled, they would change the balance of power in the game. That would buy them the time Chakotay and Tuvok needed to get the Captain out of this in one piece. There would be time enough to deal with their anxiety over what they were hearing when they had the ship and crew out of danger.  
  
=/\=  
  
Tuvok had no response. There was no way that he could dispute his own log entries. He could also tell by the look in his captain's eyes that she was as aware as he was that the rules of engagement in this battle had just changed dramatically, and in Lessing's favor.  
  
The momentary silence inspired by the recording was broken by Lessing's voice, his tone indicative of the satisfaction he felt in himself. "And did you or did you not urge the Captain to change her mind, indicating that she was exhibiting irrational behavior? To which she responded by offering to relieve you of duty as she had already done with her first officer?"  
  
Tuvok took one last long look into Kathryn Janeway's troubled blue eyes, knowing he could not prevent this information from being revealed if Lessing had access to his personal logs. "That is correct. As Voyagers' acting first officer at that time, it was my responsibility to suggest alternatives. However, the captain is ultimately responsible for making the final decision in any situation." He responded, speaking in generalities.  
  
Janeway looked at her tactical officer, knowing how uncomfortable this was for him, even being Vulcan. He was trying hard to minimize the impact of his log entry, but the damage had been done. She only wondered how many other confidential logs he had managed to get his hands on. She wouldn't have long to wait to find out.  
  
"I only have one other incident to pursue Mister Tuvok. While doing battle with the Equinox, is it true that Janeway continuously ignored your status reports indicating severe damage to the deflector, the shields, and other key systems? Thus placing everyone on board at significant risk until Commander Chakotay forced her to recognize the situation and break off pursuit?"  
  
Tuvok thought this over for a moment then responded with another guarded response. "In a tactical battle situation, the captain has the ultimate authority to direct the course of the engagement."  
  
"Very non-committal answer Commander. But it doesn't matter. You've managed to answer my question by not answering my question. The Captain was fixed on a course of action that both her first and second officer expressed openly that she should discontinue. I'd call that just a bit obsessive wouldn't you?"  
  
Everyone on the ship who heard it knew it was a rhetorical question and were not surprised that there was no response. In the ready room, the statement hung in the air like an overloaded rain cloud during the birth of a thunderstorm. Janeway and Tuvok simply looked at each other. Her expression had softened over the last few minutes. At first somewhat tense and concerned, she had transitioned to resignation, and now all that remained was the barest hint of hurt in her eyes. Tuvok knew it wasn't anything he had done. It was from being forced to confront a difficult period of her life so publicly. And, even though she wasn't able to see them, she was well aware that the entire crew was witnessing this encounter, and that Tuvok could sense her unease.  
  
Janeway was in fact deeply concerned, but not for herself. She was apprehensive of what further revelations Lessing had in store and what effect that would ultimately have on the crew and the command structure on Voyager, whether she lived through this experience or not. Lessing had effectively planted a seed. Only time would tell whether it would germinate, grow and bear fruit.  
  
Lessing began pacing in front of the Captain's desk. He wasn't finished yet, not by a long shot. He felt he had just won a pivotal encounter with a most difficult opponent. Tuvok was painfully honest. His logical mind would not allow otherwise. He was equally loyal to his commanding officer. To maneuver him into admitting events he knew would not reflect kindly on her behavior and character was most definitely a major victory.  
  
=/\=  
  
The momentary break in the action in the ready room translated to an awkward silence in the bridge. Even B'Elanna and Harry, huddled together behind the Ops station, and Seven at the rear bridge console, momentarily ceased their efforts at finding the explosive device to stare in amazement at the viewscreen. No one knew just what to think. Some of the officers with less exposure to Janeway were surprised to hear such obvious indictments against her integrity and motivations as a commanding officer. In all fairness to her, they tried to reserve judgement until they were in possession of all the facts. After all, she had never previously exhibited this type of behavior and they wanted more than what they clearly recognized as entrapment by Lessing to condemn her.  
  
The also saw Lessing as an outsider of sorts compared to the original Starfleet and Maquis crew. They owed him no allegiance. Janeway, on the other hand, was their captain. It was as simple as that. It would take more than one interview with Tuvok to change that.  
  
Chakotay was sitting with his gaze fixed on the viewscreen, watching the eye contact between Captain and Commander, friend to friend. He tried with all his might to fathom how they would deal with the damage to crew's morale if this line of questioning continued with the other witnesses. Then he prayed he was wrong. That some way, somehow, they would be able to change the apparent course of events.  
  
=/\=  
  
Lessing felt energized. He had ambushed one of Janeway's greatest allies. With a surge of newfound confidence, he moved on to his next challenge. "Well, it seems neither of you have anything to say to that so I'll consider this line of questioning closed. I want to thank you for you cooperation Commander. You may go." he remarked.  
  
Tuvok nodded at his captain, then stood and looked Lessing straight in the eye. "Crewman Lessing, you will fail in your intended purpose. I hope you comprehend that before you do anything more you will live to regret." Having made his point, Tuvok turned and left the ready room.  
  
=/\=  
  
Chakotay was immediately in front of Tuvok as he entered the bridge. His body language speaking volumes about the energy pent up inside him. As Tuvok turned and made his way to the Tactical console on the uppermost level of the bridge, Chakotay fell in step beside him and spoke with his voice low and soft. "Any insights Tuvok?"  
  
Tuvok was eager to assist in the effort to reverse Lessing's sabotage now that his questioning was over, but he understood Chakotay's interest. Taking his position at the console, he responded, "I am less than satisfied with the fact that I was forced to reveal otherwise confidential information. I am afraid I have not improved Captain Janeway's situation in any way. I regret that very much."  
  
Chakotay lowered his head and smiled in spite of himself. It was highly unusual for Tuvok to admit even the smallest emotional response. It was against the very nature of his race. Nevertheless, Chakotay knew and understood the long-standing relationship that Kathryn had with her chief of security, and was convinced that the relationship was a profound influence on the otherwise stoic Vulcan. She had a way about her that changed the people in her presence, particularly those with long term exposure. Chakotay had known he was doomed almost from the first day he met her, how could even a Vulcan hold up against the relentless onslaught of literally years of coexistence?  
  
"I'm sure she knows that Tuvok, you didn't have much of a choice." He said, trying to be comforting, and knowing it was a lost cause.  
  
"I regret it nonetheless. I am afraid that I have done damage to the Captain's reputation with the crew."  
  
"I understand that, but there isn't much we can do about that now. We have to concentrate on getting all of us out of this alive. We can worry about damage control later. What do you think about Lessing?"  
  
"He seems intent on his mission to discredit the Captain, as for whether or not he ultimately intends to harm her further is difficult to say. He followed a logical and well-planned interrogation pattern with me. He did so calmly and with little obvious emotion, although at times he seems to be expending a great deal of energy to remain so. It is also clear from his initial reaction to the Captain that he is capable of violence. However, I would surmise that as long as he feels he is in control of events, and they follow according to his plan, he will remain rational. I am also quite certain that he has more information he wants to reveal. While unfortunate for the Captain, it will buy us time."  
  
At that very moment, Chakotay received a hail from the ready room. Everyone immediately returned their attention to the viewscreen where they could see Lessing, and their beleaguered Captain. "Commander Chakotay, it's time for our next witness." said Lessing, pacing again.  
  
Chakotay tapped his comm badge to respond, and at the same time, while catching a glimpse of Janeway in the viewscreen, he had an idea. "Crewman Lessing, I will comply with your request. However, I'm sure you understand that I am concerned for the Captain's health. It has been some time since you allowed the Doctor to see her and she has neither eaten nor slept since yesterday. Before I send in whoever you want next, I want your assurance that you will allow us to tend to her."  
  
Kathryn Janeway had been sinking into daze of sorts since Tuvok had left. Thanks to the lack of sleep and nourishment, coupled with her injuries and the stress, this was becoming quite an ordeal. Though bound and in an extremely uncomfortable position, she had discovered that she could periodically relieve some of the pain in her shoulders, arms and back by pulling her feet together and pushing firmly on the floor. This had the effect of pressing her farther back in the chair and changing the angle of her arms in relationship to the rest of her body. Unfortunately, she could only manage to keep it up for a few minutes at a time and each subsequent attempt managed to tire her even more. It was an endless cycle, sit normally and allow gravity to have it's way until she couldn't bear the pain in her shoulders, press off the floor until her leg muscles burned. She was only vaguely aware of her first officer's request when she heard it over the com, and in the back of her mind thought that he was taking too much of a risk. Nevertheless, she appreciated it.  
  
"Now why in heaven's name would I want to do that Commander?" Lessing barked in reply.  
  
"Because I don't believe you really want to blow up this ship. When this is all over, if you've even thought that far ahead, you'll want this crew to think that you dealt with the Captain as fairly as possible, given the circumstances. We've heard what Tuvok had to say, maybe there's something to your accusations." He moved his gaze around the bridge and carefully looked into the eyes of everyone he could as he said this. He wanted them to realize he was playing for time and would say almost anything to convince Lessing to let them help the Captain. He knew Kathryn could also hear what he said, he only hoped she understood what he was trying to do as well. "But we won't know that if she's in no condition to last through this little trial of yours will we? If she suffers needlessly, Voyager will be a difficult place for you to be, no matter what she has done."  
  
Kathryn had heard what Chakotay said. She wasn't exactly sure what it meant, but she was certain he was up to something. He may indeed be interested in her physical wellbeing, but there might be more behind it as well. She would simply have to try even harder to stay aware of what was going on and to keep her senses sharp.  
  
Lessing said nothing for a moment as he moved away from his seat to stand before Captain Janeway. Tuvok and Chakotay's protective instincts immediately went into hyperdrive. Chakotay had taken a chance and he knew it, was she now to pay the price?  
  
From his new position in front of her, Lessing spoke directly to the Captain. "It seems that your First Officer is worried about you. What do you think I should do about that?"  
  
Kathryn Janeway had been leaning somewhat forward, having just spent another exhausting few minutes pushing herself back in the chair, and had seen Lessing's feet appear within her line of site. This was not the time to lose her composure and appear weak, not to him, and most importantly not to her crew. Almost before he finished his question, she was sitting up as straight as she could and had the patented Janeway death glare in her eyes. "What I think Crewman is irrelevant. In case you haven't noticed, it's what we do on Voyager, take care of each other. At least we try. We've been doing it for over six years now. I'm sorry you haven't experienced that for yourself."  
  
Lessing's response had a distinctive bite to it. "Sarcasm is no way to get me to comply with his request Captain. Fortunately for you, what he said does make sense. Can't have the crew seeing me as an unfeeling monster now can I?"  
  
Janeway was getting the feeling the he was enjoying mocking her just a little too much. Trying to paint her as the one who was a vindictive and unfeeling monster was exactly his plan. She glared at him even harder.  
  
"Another tough question I see." He said to her. Then he turned directly toward the computer terminal that was relaying the video of the events to the entire ship and spoke to Chakotay. "I'll allow the next person I question to bring the Captain some food and water. That's all. They can use the replicator in the ready room. And that next person is Lieutenant Torres."  
  
=/\=  
  
B'Elanna lifted her head from the Ops console and stared at Chakotay. She knew he would get to her eventually. Her name was on the list. She had hoped they could have gotten them all out if this predicament before it happened. Apparently, luck was not on her side this time. "Looks like it's up to you two for a while." She said to Seven and Harry, "I've been summoned." She continued as she patted Harry on the shoulder. Then she moved to the opposite side of the bridge and stood next to Chakotay. "Well, this is it."  
  
Chakotay looked sympathetically at her. "Just be honest B'Elanna."  
  
B'Elanna was worried. Being honest might dig Captain Janeway's hole deeper. While she had been occupied in Engineering during most of the Equinox affair, she had spent more than enough time on the bridge to witness Janeway's behavior. She had also spoken at length with Chakotay after he was relieved of duty. He had asked her for a favor. Keep an eye on the Captain and let him know if things went down hill. So she knew much more about what had happened than anyone knew, except possibly for Noah Lessing. If he had Tuvok's personal logs, he certainly could have gotten his hands on hers as well. "Chakotay, I." She said almost pleading.  
  
He cut her off, "She won't accept less and you know that."  
  
B'Elanna nodded, looking somewhat sheepish.  
  
Chakotay changed the subject. "Do what you can to help her in there. It has to be getting really tough by now."  
  
"Count on it." She said. Then she squared her shoulders, and walked purposefully down the steps to the door to the ready room and pressed the door chime.  
  
=/\=  
  
TBC 


	5. Chapter 5

Redemption  
  
Written - 8/20/02  
  
Summary - It's the anniversary of the encounter with the Equinox and Noah Lessing has something special in mind to mark the occasion.  
  
Rating - PG  
  
Chapter 5  
  
As the doors slid open with the characteristic swishing sound, B'Elanna did not hesitate as she stepped through them, now determined to show that she wasn't any more intimidated by Lessing's actions than the Captain.  
  
Lessing had moved back to his earlier position at the Captain's desk and sat scrutinizing the Lieutenant as she entered, but said nothing. He was beginning to tire more and was losing his ability to focus on the task at hand as time went on. No matter what, he had to complete this. The irony of the whole thing was that this wasn't easy for him either. He was not by nature an aggressive or vindictive person. This business of badgering superior officers went against everything he had learned and respected about Starfleet. Nevertheless, he felt it had to be done. The anger in him needed all of this in order to be banished once and for all, and Kathryn Janeway was a convenient target for that anger. She deserved to pay for what she had done to him. Besides, he'd come much too far to quit now, just a little longer and this would be over, one way or another. Shrugging off his fatigue, he steeled himself for his next to last witness.  
  
B'Elanna wasn't sure what Lessing was waiting for, but she didn't care. Upon entering the ready room, she had made brief eye contact with Janeway and what she saw there surprised her. There was a mix of emotions she wasn't sure she could completely interpret, but she also knew it was a mix she had never before seen there. She fought down the urge to attack Lessing and pound him into the carpeting. "If it's alright with you I'll see to the Captain now."  
  
It wasn't a question and Lessing knew it so he simply nodded and watched closely as B'Elanna went about her business.  
  
B'Elanna moved to the Captain and knelt before her, angling her view and taking careful inventory of the outward indications of her commanding officer's condition. "Captain?"  
  
Janeway smiled weakly at her. "Lieutenant." She said quietly. "I gather I've looked better."  
  
B'Elanna smiled in spite of herself. "No offense, but yes, you have."  
  
"None taken." She insisted as she closed her eyes, gritted her teeth, and once again pressed the soles of her shoes into the carpeting, the strain on her shoulders too much to bear any longer.  
  
B'Elanna caught her movement. "Captain Janeway, are you alright?" she asked, immediately realizing how utterly absurd it sounded.  
  
Janeway opened her eyes and locked them with B'Elanna's, "As well as can be expected Lieutenant."  
  
B'Elanna did not miss the tone in the Captain's voice that spoke much more than her actual words. They were being watched, not only by Lessing but by the entire crew. No matter how difficult this was for her, the Captain was not about to allow it to become obvious. "Understood." B'Elanna replied, trying to convey her understanding in her tone as well. With that she stood and addressed Lessing. "If it's alright with you, I'd like to get the Captain something to eat."  
  
Lessing said nothing but waved is arm to indicate his acceptance of the request.  
  
B'Elanna went to the replicator, returning quickly with a container of water, a peeled and segmented orange, and a cloth napkin. "Captain?" she inquired in order to get Janeway's attention. The Captain had again closed her eyes, but this time with her head back and her feet still pressed against the floor.  
  
Taking a long, deep breath, Janeway opened her eyes and let her body slump slowly forward. B'Elanna instantly held the water bottle to her lips and she drank slowly, savoring the simple pleasure of it after so long without anything at all. It wasn't a substitute for coffee, but it would do for now. B'Elanna then held a segment of orange to her and she let it slip into her mouth, crushing it with her teeth and letting the juice swirl around her tongue before swallowing it. She nodded approvingly to her junior officer when another piece was presented to her. Over the next few minutes, Janeway ate and drank what B'Elanna offered. She knew full well that another opportunity might not present itself for some time, if ever, and found it difficult to shake the feeling that this could be her last meal.  
  
When Janeway had finished eating the orange, B'Elanna took a last lingering look at her. Her face was terribly discolored and swollen. The blood staining the front of her uniform tunic and shirt from the barely closed wound on her neck made B'Elanna just a little queasy. A little deeper and Lessing would have severed an artery. The usually faint lines near the corners of on Janeway's eyes and mouth appeared more pronounced than normal, and spoke of a profound weariness and discomfort. Janeway's dark and intense blue eyes followed her through the examination until it became necessary for her to shift her position again.  
  
Knowing the Captain would probably not approve, but finding it difficult to pass up an obvious opportunity, B'Elanna decided to try and make her more comfortable. Taking the napkin she had replicated, B'Elanna poured some of the remaining water from the container onto it and gently pressed it to Janeway's forehead and then the rest of her face and neck. Consequently, she managed to wipe away the beads of sweat that had formed there, as well as some remaining blood at the corner of her mouth and on her neck. Janeway was somewhat startled by the gesture at first, but then resigned herself to it, even relishing the feel of the cool cloth against her warm skin.  
  
The feeling ended when Lessing, obviously becoming impatient, demanded their full attention. "Enough. This has lasted long enough. Sit down Lieutenant."  
  
Janeway and Torres looked at each other one last time with the Captain nodding at her almost imperceptibly, silently acknowledging the reality of what was to come. B'Elanna was instantly reminded of what Chakotay had said about being honest. She now knew beyond a shadow a doubt that he was right.  
  
Lessing's body language again spoke of his restlessness as he paced the floor in font of the Captain's desk while he waited for B'Elanna to take the chair most recently occupied by Tuvok. He wasted no time once she was in her place. "Lieutenant Torres, when Voyager again made contact with the Equinox after our initial escape, can you relay to us some of your experiences in Engineering during the battle that ensued?"  
  
"I'm not sure what you mean." She stalled.  
  
"Oh come on Lieutenant, you know exactly what I mean. But, if you insist." Lessing left the sentence hanging in mid-air as he played a recording of the bridge logs that proved that B'Elanna had contacted the bridge more than once during that encounter. Her intent to identify how compromised the systems were and that they were in serious jeopardy should they continue with their current course of action.  
  
"Fine, we were in trouble. But we've been in trouble before." B'Elanna insisted. "It's not my place to second guess the situation, just pass on engineering reports and make recommendations. I follow orders like everyone else on this ship, particularly in a crisis. I'm not in a position to know all the circumstances. I'd be passing judgement without all the facts."  
  
Lessing smiled. "Well said, but still, this wasn't a life and death situation now was it? At least it shouldn't have been. You weren't being attacked, you were chasing down the Equinox. I'm asking for your opinion. Did you really feel the risk to the ship was worth the prize?"  
  
"If you're asking my opinion, I'm not sure I would have compromised Voyager's systems to that extent. But I'm not the Captain, I don't carry her responsibility, either for the ship, or for the Federation and Starfleet. Furthermore, as a former Maquis, Ransom's betrayal doesn't mean the same thing to me as it would to her, although I think I can understand her position. And besides, we eventually broke off our pursuit." She stated emphatically.  
  
"Were you aware of the reason for that?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Really!" I have some information that would lead me to believe otherwise, would you care to rethink your answer?" he badgered.  
  
Now she was certain. He must have managed to gain access to at least her personal logs as well as Tuvok's. "I have no direct evidence of why. I was later told of the incident by Commander Chakotay."  
  
"And what did he tell you?" Lessing pressed.  
  
B'Elanna hesitated and looked toward the Captain. Janeway simply returned her eye contact with a neutral expression on her face. Resigned to her fate, B'Elanna finally answered the question. "I spoke with Chakotay after he had been relieved of duty. He relayed his version of the incident to me and told me that he had openly objected to Voyager continuing pursuit. He believed his forcefulness had been the deciding factor in the Captain finally giving the order to abandon the chase."  
  
"So it really wasn't her idea was it? The Commander was really the one responsible for preventing a possible disastrous outcome."  
  
"That's one point of view." She said simply.  
  
"And what else did the Commander tell you about the Captain and her behavior during this conversation?"  
  
She leaned forward in her chair, "Why don't you ask him? He was the one on the bridge with her, not me!" She practically shouted it.  
  
"I intend to. But I think it's important to know that you and he spoke and that he asked you to do something for him didn't he?"  
  
"What are you driving at?" She said, trying to stall this line of questioning.  
  
With that Lessing pressed his finger to the control pad on the Captain's desk and the ready room was filled with the sound of B'Elanna's own voice from her personal logs. "Chakotay has been relieved of duty. Something I feared might happen early in our journey on Voyager, but certainly not something I would ever have expected after all this time together. The few times I have seen the Captain since the Equinox made her escape, I have noticed a change in her. She seems determined to bring them in, to the exclusion of almost everything else. I guess I can't fault her for being furious, but Chakotay is worried. He's asked me to keep an eye on her for him. He wants to know if she goes over the edge, places the ship and crew in serious danger without real provocation. I told him if my reluctance, stating my respect and admiration for the Captain, but he was insistent. I've promised to inform him of anything out of the ordinary as I have been summoned to duty on the bridge with the absence of both Seven and Chakotay. It will give me the opportunity to judge her behavior for myself first hand. I sincerely hope he's wrong."  
  
B'Elanna was incensed, "Why are you doing this Lessing? Why bring me in here and ask me questions if you have all the recorded evidence against the Captain you need?"  
  
"Because that would simply be repeating recordings without context. Thank you for providing the context Lieutenant."  
  
"Why you." B'Elanna's emotions got the best of her and she flew from her seat, taking several rapid steps toward Lessing before she heard an unmistakable and commanding voice beside her.  
  
"Sit down Lieutenant, that's an order!" cried Janeway.  
  
Torres stopped dead in her tracks, much to the relief of Lessing who hadn't been exactly sure just what to do with a charging Klingon on his hands.  
  
Spinning on her heels, B'Elanna looked at the Captain. There was fire in her superior's eyes. There was no mistaking the order. Reluctantly she complied.  
  
"I'm sorry Captain, it's just."  
  
"I understand. But this is not the time or the place." She looked at B'Elanna until she was sure that she had conveyed all she needed to and then shifted her attention back toward Lessing.  
  
For the briefest of moments, Lessing actually felt fear. Not from the possibility of B'Elanna's attack, but from the another fleeting thought that this was all wrong. That perhaps his anger wasn't entirely at the battered woman before him. As fast as the thought had entered his mind, he managed to shake it off, letting his anger take control again. "Very good Captain, keep your people in line. I must admit they are well trained and nothing if not loyal to you. Why else would they have followed your unreasonable orders as long as they did?"  
  
Before she even had a chance to respond, B'Elanna broke in, "Lessing, you haven't the faintest clue what you're talking about. You seem obsessed with our personal logs. Well why don't you play all of them? Why don't you play mine from the night the Equinox exploded? I witnessed the final exchange between Ransom and Captain Janeway. She gave him every opportunity to save himself and he flatly turned her down. In the end, he begged her to promise to get her crew home. I saw her reaction when the Equinox blew up before our very eyes. She was deeply effected by it all, his words to her as well as his death. I think it's unfair not to present both sides of the story."  
  
Lessing was now able to shift his emotional energy from fear to anger, "Both sides of the story Lieutenant? You haven't even begun to hear the evidence. The most telling evidence of all. I think now is as good a time as any. You're dismissed Torres, tell Commander Chakotay I saved the best for last." He stood stock still and motioned toward the door, indicating that she was dismissed.  
  
B'Elanna looked from one face to the other not knowing exactly how to respond, but in essence, he hadn't given her much of a choice. Silently, and with a look a utter frustration on her face, she left the ready room. What she had said had made a point with the greater audience on Voyager though. Something that Lessing couldn't possibly be aware of. The questioning had so far revealed nothing incriminating enough that it would convince them to completely turn on their captain. While it hadn't exactly placed her in a good light, it was simply not enough to overwhelm over six years of dedicated service to her ship and crew. Sure she'd made some mistakes, had a few lapses in judgement, but there was a great deal more evidence in her favor. Lessing still had a lot of work to do if he were going to change their minds.  
  
Janeway took the brief intermission to try to rest. She let her head drop to her chest again even before B'Elanna had managed to leave the room. A million thoughts swam in her head. She had not known that Chakotay had spoken to B'Elanna after she had relieved him of duty, but she wasn't surprise her. He would undoubtedly have needed to confide his thoughts and feelings to someone, and being the exceptional officer he was, he would also have wanted someone to be his eyes and ears in order to protect the crew. She had no doubt that had the situation gotten serious enough to warrant it, Chakotay would have taken matters into his own hands. She thanked the powers that be that she had been blessed with a first officer the caliber of Chakotay and not a one the likes of Maxwell Burke who, in the end, had even betrayed his own captain.  
  
Given what had happened so far, she knew this last interview would be the worst yet. Lessing had been in possession of too much personal information already to think he wasn't saving some of the best for last. She had no doubt that he had information from both Chakotay and herself that would be difficult to deal with. And there was still the most incriminating evidence of all, Lessing's own personal experience at her hands.  
  
=/\=  
  
When B'Elanna passed through the doorway and back onto the bridge, she immediately noticed Chakotay and Tuvok in conference at the Tactical station. She had no idea what they were up to, but it looked like they were hatching some sort of plan as they were speaking quietly to each other and poring over a display on Tuvok's security console. Chakotay noticed her as she emerged and quickly broke off his conversation with Tuvok to approach her.  
  
"Are you okay?" He asked her.  
  
"I don't know Chakotay. I really don't know." She lowered her head in disgust with herself. "I hated what I said in there, what he made me say."  
  
"I know." He replied softly as he pulled her into his arms. "The best thing you can do now is help us get her out of there and secure the ship. Harry and Seven need your help. Go on." He said as he released her and patted her on the back.  
  
She pulled herself away and nodded at him, then squared her shoulders and walked across the bridge to join Harry at Ops.  
  
Chakotay climbed back up the short staircase to stand beside Tuvok. B'Elanna had been right, they were hatching a plan. More of a signal system of sorts to provide status information to Chakotay while he was otherwise involved in the ready room. It consisted of an old style Morse Code system through a series of low frequency buzzes to his comm badge. Something he could feel but no one would hear. The other part of the plan was a small set of code words. Each specifically chosen, they would only be used to communicate something of paramount importance.  
  
They all worked quietly for several minutes taking advantage of this small window of opportunity that Lessing was providing all of them to work together. B'Elanna hardest of all. They knew they were close to a solution. By a process of elimination they had narrowed the possibilities considerably and were running a series of complex diagnostics on the remaining systems. Once the algorithm had run it's course, they should know where the explosive device was, if there was indeed a device at all.  
  
Chakotay and Tuvok finished their conversation just in time to hear B'Elanna shatter the silence in the room. "I've got it! The device is connected to the plasma injector system. It's in an almost inaccessible part of the superstructure." She performed a quick calculation through her console and then she continued. "Harry, modulate the flow to the port nacelle conduit to a variance of exactly 3% of normal. That will maintain the flow through the system, but reduce the risk of the thing going off until we can get at it."  
  
Harry Kim moved his hands over his console at lighting speed and was rewarded a few seconds later when the conduit monitoring system showed the desired result. "We're there!" he exclaimed.  
  
"Harry, keep that variance exactly where it is, no matter what. Seven, You're with me." B'Elanna said as she and Seven quickly began to head toward the briefing room where from there they could enter an open corridor and the series of turbolifts and Jefferies tubes that would take them to their destination. On her way out she turned toward Voyager's First Office, "We'll contact you as soon as we have located the device."  
  
Chakotay looked at the two women and nodded. "Good luck."  
  
With that final word, Seven and B'Elanna headed off to try to reverse fortunes on the crewman in the ready room and his deadly game.  
  
Within seconds of the departure of the two women, Lessing hailed Chakotay and summoned him to the ready room. He looked at Tuvok. "You're in charge out here. Remember, your first priority is the safety of the ship, whatever happens in there." He tilted his head toward the ready room in emphasis.  
  
"Understood Commander." Replied Tuvok. They exchanged knowing glances and then each went about their respective duty.  
  
=/\=  
  
TBC 


	6. Chapter 6

Redemption  
  
Written - 8/20/02  
  
Summary - It's the anniversary of the encounter with the Equinox and Noah Lessing has something special in mind to mark the occasion.  
  
Rating - PG  
  
Chapter 6  
  
Captain Kathryn Janeway was doing her level best to steel herself for this last round. She knew without a doubt that Chakotay was Lessing's last, and most important, witness. By now she was suffering from an incredible headache on top of everything else she was dealing with. The refreshment afforded her during B'Elanna's visit had helped some, but not nearly enough. What she needed was to get the hell out of here, but wishful thinking alone would definitely not be enough.  
  
The entrance of her first officer drew her attention. His first act was to make eye contact with her. His gaze was warm and sympathetic, just what she would have expected, reminding her just how lucky she was to have him around. He looked at her for a long moment until his expression changed and he slowly moved his attention to Lessing.  
  
Lessing took one look at the intensity in Chakotay's eyes and had just the briefest flicker of fear. He had been on Voyager long enough to know that the man before him was normally mild mannered and thoughtful, but could turn into a ferocious fighter when provoked. After all, he had been a Maquis captain. A man with a mission and a just cause could be quite an adversary, and Lessing was well aware that this would be his most challenging witness, infinitely more challenging than Tuvok.  
  
Suddenly, Noah Lessing leaned back against the desk for support, a searing pain shooting through his temples. He struggled to keep his eyes focused and in particular focused on Voyager's First Officer. Any lapse now could very well spell disaster for his plan. He rolled his head from side to side in obvious discomfort. The two officers in the room with him noticed, and watched intently, Chakotay in particular. He was watching for any weakness, any opportunity to change to odds in their favor. But as quickly as it began, Lessing seemed to regain his composure and deciding it was probably best to be in control of this from the outset, he spoke before anyone else could, "Welcome Commander, please take a seat."  
  
Chakotay noticed that Lessing still seemed shaky, but he followed Lessing's hand motion and took the appointed seat. From his position, he had a clear view of both Lessing and the Captain and he was glad for that. At least he would be able to communicate with her through his expressions and eye contact even if the words became difficult to hear. The two of them had always been able to communicate on a wavelength all their own. He wasn't sure exactly how or why, but it had always been there, from their very first meeting. Now it would be more important than ever.  
  
The Commander also had a plan for his turn in the witness chair. He would do everything in his power to bring the issues out in the open without Lessing feeling the need to play log entries over the comm system. Everything that could be revealed would be, but it would keep the control of how it was done squarely within his own hands. He would let Lessing get started and then he would slowly turn the tables on him, or at least he hoped he would.  
  
Janeway had been watching her first officer intently since he came in, and he seemed preoccupied with something. He had a far away look in his eyes, but one that could never be confused as daydreaming. She could tell there was a great deal going on in his mind even if he wasn't saying a word. Chakotay was highly intelligent and a more than capable tactical officer. She had no doubt whatsoever that he was weighing the situation and refining a plan of action based on the variables he encountered.  
  
Before either of them could ponder further, Lessing began the interrogation. "Now that you're comfortable, let's begin, shall we?" He closed his eyes and shook his head again, but the distraction only lasted a few seconds and he was again looking squarely at the Commander.  
  
Chakotay only nodded in response.  
  
"As the officer closest to the Captain, I suspect you have a wealth of information to provide. I hope you will cooperate. I would hate to be forced into something drastic." As he said this, he lifted the knife and brandished it behind the Captain's head.  
  
"Continued threats will not help your cause crewman, what do you say we get on with it and see where it takes us, hmm?" It wasn't a question, it was a statement.  
  
Lessing was bright enough to move on. "Very well then, let's start at the very beginning, at least the beginning of the conflict between the Equinox and Voyager. Is it true that both you and the Captain were injured by the aliens during the attack that ensued when Captain Ransom and the Equinox made their first escape?"  
  
Chakotay wasn't sure what this line of questioning could lead to, but he played along knowing that every question was an opportunity to provide the officers and crew to deactivate Lessing's device and bring ship's systems back on line. "Yes, that is true."  
  
"And your injuries were serious enough to warrant emergency treatment in sickbay, correct?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Is it also true that upon arriving in sickbay after the ship had been secured, Captain Janeway was so preoccupied with taking after the Equinox that the two of you quarreled, temporarily interrupting the doctor's treatment of your injuries?"  
  
Chakotay now understood where this was going. "I wouldn't say we quarreled. We had a tactical difference of opinion, complicated by the stress of our injuries and the circumstances. What's your point?"  
  
Lessing became agitated. "My point is that your captain was so preoccupied with revenge that she showed little or no compassion toward her dead and injured officers and crew."  
  
"Her main concern at that time was the overall safety of the ship. We were still in a dangerous situation Crewman, she had created only a temporary shield against the aliens, I'd say she was preoccupied, but not inappropriately so at that time. We differed on the priority of our next course of action, that is all." He didn't entirely believe that statement himself, but Kathryn's actions could have been interpreted this way. He let the statement stand.  
  
"According to the Doctor, the Captain waited several more hours before having her own injury attended to, against medical advice. Would you interpret that as the act of a command officer who is thinking clearly?"  
  
Chakotay laughed aloud and then smiled at Kathryn and she returned it. "Crewman, you have obviously not been on this ship long enough to know Captain Janeway very well. Her avoidance of the EMH, even for routine checkups, is legendary. She also has a history of seeking treatment far later than the Doctor or I would prefer when she is injured or ill in any way. In answer to your question, while most people would agree that what you are suggesting is a lapse in judgement, for Captain Janeway it is normal and expected behavior. In her mind, her duty to her ship and crew, and the well-being of both, take precedence over her own needs."  
  
Lessing appeared somewhat disappointed. He had intended to make a point about the Captain's state of mind, but had become very aware that he wasn't going to get there this way. Chakotay was much too adept at diffusing this line of questioning. Apparently, he would have to move on to events that could not be so easily side-stepped. "Very well Commander, let's move on to something a little less open to interpretation. Soon after you were released from sickbay and rejoined the Captain on the bridge, you gave an order concerning whether or not to be armed during a first contact opportunity with the aliens. It is my understanding that the Captain countermanded your order and questioned your judgement in front of the bridge crew. Is this correct?"  
  
This was an obscure detail, but one that could have an important impact if used properly. "The Captain is entitled to countermand any order by a subordinate as long as she is in command of the ship."  
  
"Yes Commander, I understand that she is entitled, but in your experience, is it normal for Captain Janeway to do behave in such a manner, in particular in front of other members of the crew?"  
  
Chakotay hesitated. He knew that he couldn't explain this away. It was completely abnormal behavior for Kathryn Janeway. She knew how important it was for the senior command officers to display a united front to the other officers and crew and she had never behaved that way before the incident with the Equinox. He again looked in Kathryn's eyes and responded. "No."  
  
Before Chakotay could think of a follow-up, Lessing provided one, but not the one Chakotay would have preferred. "This happened again in a public manner when Voyager had made contact with the Equinox and was chasing us into the planet's atmosphere did it not?"  
  
"Captain Janeway did not countermand any of my orders at that time Crewman." He said, his voice dropping steadily toward the end of the sentence.  
  
"Oh excuse me Commander, you are correct, she didn't countermand any orders in this case, she simply ignored your advice until given no choice. And don't try to deny it, we already have Lieutenant Torres' testimony as precedent."  
  
Chakotay sat up straight and squared his shoulders. "It is true that Captain Janeway continued the pursuit until the last possible moment. It is also true that she did so against the indications of the status reports and vocal recommendations of several of the bridge officers present at that time. Nevertheless, as I have stated before, the responsibility is hers to determine a course of action."  
  
"Then I ask you again Commander, in your experience, is this normal behavior for Captain Janeway?"  
  
"No, but these were not normal circumstances, you must understand."  
  
Lessing cut him off in mid-sentence. "I understand your interest in protecting your captain, Commander. The truth is that the evidence points toward the Captain behaving in a highly irrational manner compared to her normal behavior. I maintain that she was so obsessed with capturing Captain Ransom and those of us on the Equinox that she would stop at nothing to achieve her goal."  
  
Chakotay said nothing in response, trying to find a way to argue the point, but to no avail. Before he could pursue this line of thinking further, Lessing continued.  
  
"Is it true that you recorded this very same thought into your official and personal logs? That you used that very same word, obsessed?"  
  
Now he felt truly trapped for the first time in the interview. Chakotay could not allow his personal logs to enter into the discussion. It would introduce much more information than either he or the captain needed the world to hear about not only his professional disagreement with the Captain but their personal relationship. While there was nothing scandalous in any of it, he respected and cared for her too much to have all of that made public. He had no choice for the moment than to go along. "Yes, that is true."  
  
"So, in your opinion, the Captain was exhibiting obsessive and abnormal behavior with relationship to the Equinox, so much so that it caused you to disagree on more than one occasion and in front of the crew. Tell me, why would you record your tactical and first contact recommendations in written form? Was it in the faint hope that the Captain would find them harder to ignore?"  
  
'By all the God's, did he know everything?' Chakotay thought. Lessing had certainly done his research. He'd managed to piece together an extremely damaging perspective of the events. Of course, the events were damaging enough on their own. All that Lessing was really doing was bringing them out in the open for everyone to hear and pass judgement for themselves.  
  
The problem was that none of them, or maybe only a very few of them, knew what he knew. Kathryn Janeway had not let herself get close to too many people on this journey. She had an extremely close relationship to Tuvok before they were thrown to the opposite side of the galaxy, and by necessity as much as an instant chemistry, she had also gotten very close to Chakotay. Oddly enough, the person who knew her best after her two most senior officers was Seven of Nine. Beyond that, there was her senior staff and of course Neelix, but those relationships weren't nearly as close. Therein was the root of the problem. Those who knew her best would be able to put her actions in perspective, they would be able to rationalize her actions with her motives all overlaid with their understanding of what made Kathryn Janeway tick. But since most of the crew, and in particular those from the Equinox, could not possibly know her on that intimate a level, there was every chance that Lessing would achieve his goal. That he would be able to plant a seed of doubt and mistrust that could undermine the command structure on Voyager and perhaps even justify his desire for revenge.  
  
"We're waiting for your answer Commander."  
  
Chakotay looked at his shoes, unable to make eye contact with the Captain this time. "Yes."  
  
"Yet she ignored them anyway." Lessing glared at the Captain this time and she felt it, as if he were boring a hole straight through the back of her head with his eyes.  
  
In the silence that ensued, Chakotay appeared to be looking for something, anything, to say to make all this sound less damaging.  
  
"I think we've gotten all we need to out of that line of questioning Commander. I think it's time we put the icing on the cake don't you?"  
  
Kathryn had been in the process of pressing her feet on the floor for what seemed the thousandth time when Lessing spoke and it stopped her in her tracks. She had a feeling what he would reveal next and lifted her gaze to that of her first officer. The look in his eyes revealed his understanding as well. This would be the moment of truth. The final nail in the coffin.  
  
"I see by the look on your face that you know where this line of questioning is about to go. I hope you're up to the challenge."  
  
Lessing let his statement hang in the air for several minutes while he collected his thoughts. At the same time, the majority of Voyager's crew began to speculate what he could possibly be referring to. To Noah's credit, he had told very few people about his experience in the cargo bay with the Captain and the Commander. He had never known what to say or who would believe him so he had largely kept it to himself. Now it was time for all the cards to be on the table.  
  
While Lessing gathered his thoughts, Chakotay and the Captain stared intently at each other, their expressions unreadable to the larger audience, but clearly understandable to each of them. She was deeply sorry that she had put all of her officers in this position. In a position to have to discredit her in front of the entire crew. They were loyal and faithful to the core, and would have kept their secrets about the Equinox and her actions to their dying day. She felt guilty for betraying their trust and forcing them to be witnesses against her in such a public forum. It not only put her command in question, it put their judgement in following her in question as well.  
  
As for Chakotay, he was apologizing with his eyes for what he would have to reveal in the next few minutes and frantically running through scenarios in his mind on how to make it less painful for all of them.  
  
"Commander, I draw your attention to the incident in the cargo bay after I was captured on the planet. Do you remember it?" he said, with more than a hint of sarcasm in his voice.  
  
"You know very well that I do crewman, what's your point?"  
  
Lessing rose from his seat and began to pace, obviously somewhat nervous. "If you insist, I'll get straight to it." He moved closer to Janeway, again standing directly behind her and raising the knife. "You were present when I was interrogated by Captain Janeway. During that interrogation, when I refused to answer her questions concerning Captain Ransom, did she or did she not order the shields around the cargo bay dropped, leaving me to the mercy of the aliens, unless I agreed to cooperate?"  
  
Chakotay had chosen to answer simply and to the point in the hope that it would leave Noah nowhere else to go. "She did."  
  
"Do Starfleet regulations protect prisoners, especially other Starfleet officers and crew, from this type of interrogation procedure?"  
  
"Under normal circumstances, Yes. But."  
  
"Just answer the question Commander, I'm sure no one is interested in your editorializing." He said mockingly.  
  
Now Chakotay was truly infuriated. "You take too many liberties crewman, apparently you have forgotten to whom you are speaking. It's my understanding from reviewing your service record that the Equinox was your first deep space posting, correct?"  
  
Lessing was truly surprised and answered the question in spite of himself. "Yes, that's true."  
  
"Your record also indicated that you had only been out of the academy for nine months before that posting, is that also correct?"  
  
"Well yes, but."  
  
Chakotay continued commandingly, "My point is crewman, that you stand in judgement over circumstances that you have little to no experience with which to put in perspective. The regulations you state are not always easy to interpret or abide by in every situation. I faced many such dilemmas in my early days with Starfleet and again under the service of Captain Janeway and this ship. While I am in no way trying to downplay your experience. I'm simply suggesting that you should examine all the facts and the issues in this case and try to place yourself in Captain Janeway's shoes before you can assume her guilt or innocence."  
  
"Nice try Commander, but I didn't think diversionary tactics were your style. The fact is that Janeway put me through an illegal interrogation and threatened my life, a life that I have you to thank for saving. It was you who went against her orders and pulled me out of the cargo bay just in time to prevent my being attacked. I was then, and still am, convinced that she would have left me to those creatures."  
  
"Did it ever occur to you that's precisely what she wanted you to think in order to get you to talk?"  
  
Lessing smiled evilly, "Then why did you feel the need to save me from her? You must have felt she was capable of it as well, or you wouldn't have interfered."  
  
He had a point. That was indeed exactly what Chakotay had thought.  
  
"I'll take your lack of a response as confirmation Commander."  
  
=/\=  
  
The crew was stunned by this revelation. Most of them had no knowledge of this before now, even those that had been told had found it hard to believe. They saw it as so out of character for Kathryn Janeway. But Chakotay had confirmed it. Now they weren't sure what to believe. Even so, the revelation from the ready room was a shock. What could possibly have caused the Captain to take such a chance? Hopefully everything would become clear in time. With luck they would have the opportunity.  
  
=/\=  
  
TBC 


	7. Chapter 7

Redemption  
  
Written - 8/20/02  
  
Summary - It's the anniversary of the encounter with the Equinox and Noah Lessing has something special in mind to mark the occasion.  
  
Rating - PG  
  
Chapter 7  
  
Lessing knew he was just about finished. He could not have been more pleased with the results so far. Chakotay had little to counter his arguments. Just a few more minutes and he could wrap all this up in a nice neat package. What would become of him after that was anyone's guess, but at least he would have done what he promised himself at the beginning of all this. He also knew he needed to hurry. He was quickly beginning to feel physically ill. Even the diminished light in the room bothered his eyes and he felt his energy draining. "I have one last question Commander. What precipitated your being relieved of duty by the Captain?"  
  
Not knowing what else to do, Chakotay simply answered the question as noncommittally as possible. "We had a disagreement."  
  
"So, in essence, she relieved you from duty because you disagreed with her once too often with regard to the Equinox and the aliens?"  
  
Chakotay again had an edge to his voice. "It's a bit more complicated than that Crewman. We have had disagreements on the approach to a problem before. It's no secret, many of the crew have witnessed them."  
  
"But none of them led to your being relieved of duty, isn't that so?"  
  
The Commander shifted uncomfortably in his seat. If he was to have an impact on this proceeding, it had better be now. He had received no status updates through his combadge, leading him to believe that if nothing else he needed to stall. The way things had gone, he also felt he owed the Captain something, a vote of confidence of sorts. He glanced briefly at her and found her to be leaning back in her chair again, something she had done every few minutes since he came in. Her head was tilted slightly back and her eyes were closed, but whether he had eye contact or not, he would do this, for her.  
  
"Yes Crewman, that is so. However, do you realize why I even agreed to follow that order? Because no matter what you may think, no matter how you may wish to discredit her, Kathryn Janeway is my Captain. She has earned my respect and my loyalty a thousand times over. She has kept the ship whole and this crew alive under the most difficult of circumstances. I personally owe her my life as she has saved it on countless occasions. I may not always agree with the decisions she makes, but in the end, she carries the responsibility for what happens out here. That gives her the right to go it alone if she feels the situation warrants it. As for what happened with the Equinox, whether I agreed with her approach or not, it was Captain Ransom and his crew that forced her down a path she had little control over. One that more often than not she was simply reacting to. I sympathize with what you went through, but that does not justify your actions here today anymore than what Ransom did justifies some of Captain Janeway's actions in response. We all make our own choices Crewman. Maybe it's time you learned from the less then stellar choices of those around you and made better ones."  
  
Lessing was completely speechless. He had severely underestimated the loyalty that Chakotay had for this woman, even with everything that she had done. It surprised him. How in the world could the Commander be so blind to what she was? Or could it be that it really was Lessing himself that needed to change, to let go of the past, to look a little deeper for the reason he felt the way he did. His thoughts in turmoil, he felt the pain rise in his temples again and his palms began to sweat.  
  
Chakotay had been watching Kathryn. She looked exhausted, as if holding her head up was a struggle in itself. Her eyes, one now painfully swollen, were dull and listless. He knew he was the last of Lessing's chosen witnesses, but more than a minute had passed since he had finished speaking and no new questions had been forthcoming. He knew without any doubt that much of what Tuvok, B'Elanna and he himself had relayed had been difficult for her to hear. He would never have intentionally hurt her, but she herself had insisted on their honesty. He prayed that the others had made good on their plan, or he doubted his captain and friend was long for the world.  
  
For her part, Janeway couldn't remember ever having been this weary. Her lack of sleep and her head injury had long ago exacted their toll. She shook her head as much as she dared in an effort to break free of the fatigue, her relentless headache preventing more purposeful movement. It was time, time to state her case no matter how she felt and no matter who was listening. She had been made to sit and listen to the events of a year ago, flavored with the personal recollections and emotions of her staff and the Equinox crew, and had said, or been requested to say almost nothing. In the end, her accuser would pronounce her guilty, of that much she was certain. Whether Noah Lessing wanted it or not, it was her turn.  
  
As Chakotay prepared to stand, not knowing exactly what to do next, she raised her head, straightened her posture, and looked directly in his eyes. "Sit down Commander." She declared. "I want you to be witness to what I have to say."  
  
Lessing was shaken out of his momentary reverie and looked alarmed, "Captain, what are you doing?" He said as he leaned forward just enough that she could see him in her peripheral vision.  
  
"Something I should have done hours ago." She demanded. "You've obviously already pronounced me guilty. Whether you've actually said it or not is of no consequence. This entire proceeding has simply been about getting all your accusations out in the open so you'd have an excuse to get even. So what do you have to lose? As the condemned, I do have a right to issue a statement before you pronounce sentence do I not? Well, I now exercise that right."  
  
Rising to his feet, Lessing swiftly approached the Captain, threatening her with the knife again. Chakotay, still on his feet despite the Captain's request, made a move toward her would-be attacker. "No!" She shouted. "Leave him be Commander."  
  
Chakotay stopped in his tracks as ordered, for it was indeed an order, but he still felt an excellent opportunity had just been squandered.  
  
Kathryn Janeway's eyes never left Lessing as she ordered Chakotay to stop. She then turned the full force of her command presence on him. "What are you afraid of Noah, hmm? You still have me where you want me, and you hold that detonator to ensure your safety from my officers. To top it all off, you've done a masterful job of discrediting me in front of my entire crew. That is what you set out to do isn't it, at least in part?"  
  
Lessing simply glared at her, barely contained rage evident in his bloodshot and massively dilated eyes.  
  
"Well I admit it, all of it. Everything they have said is true." Her voice was strong, clear and unwavering. With that, Chakotay moved back to his chair and sat, curious where she would go with this, and Lessing stood up and backed away from her as if struck.  
  
"You say I did not try to understand your circumstances, that I simply passed judgement on all of you. A simple matter of Starfleet regulations and protocol and adherence to Federation law. Well, let me enlighten you. You could not be more wrong. I understand more than you could possibly know, more than even my own crew probably believes."  
  
She took a quick breath and continued, determination etched into her features. "Do you have any idea what it's like to be the Captain of a starship all alone out here? Do you know why I found Rudy Ransom's conduct so reprehensible?" Her voice steadily rose with each word, but she retained her composure. "There most certainly was the issue of his oath as a Captain and the fact that he had flushed it out an airlock. Worse yet, he had taken all of you right along with him. But chiefly it was because when I looked at him, I saw myself. I saw a person I could very well have become if our circumstances had been a little different. Something I've come close to on more than one occasion." Her gaze moved briefly to capture her first officer. He returned her intensity with a look of great respect and understanding.  
  
Chakotay's support gave her the strength to continue and she turned to lock her eyes with Lessing's again. "You have no idea of the responsibility and the loneliness that being a Captain brings with it, the overwhelming sense of responsibility, the lives you hold squarely in the palm of your hand. Do you know the first thing about what it's like when you step onto the bridge of a starship for the first time with four pips on your collar Mister Lessing, especially for those of us who are scientists first, not warriors? Rudy Ransom and I had at least that much in common, and it's the one thing in him I will always respect.  
  
"If you had reached the Alpha Quadrant, do you know who would have been held accountable for what happened on the Equinox? Certainly not you Noah." She said forcefully, "Your captain would have taken the full force of those regulations you so quickly toss in my face. You and your fellow crewmembers would more than likely have gotten off with a token punishment. After all, you were only following orders, right. The captain was the one making the choices, making the decisions, and giving the orders. Oh, maybe Starfleet would have made a play for the senior officers as well, if any were still alive, but Ransom certainly would have fought to stop it. He would have accepted full responsibility for all of it. Just as he did here by going down with his ship. He had a choice. He could have saved himself, but instead he chose to make the ultimate sacrifice, and in so doing absolve not only himself, but all of you, taking the guilt and responsibility for the events on the USS Equinox with him to eternity."  
  
She allowed that to hang in the air for a moment before she continued. "So you see, Noah, I understand more than you know. In addition, because I understand your captain, I therefore know something about you. Don't you think I understand the relationship between a captain and their officers and crew? There is no greater honor, yet no greater responsibility, than to lead others. One day you may have the opportunity to find out for yourself. My crew will follow my orders just as you followed those of Rudy Ransom. It is solely my responsibility to prevent them from having to make a choice between their loyalty to me and their own conscience. No crew should ever have to face that. If they do, then the captain has failed, not them. Therefore, in that I am guilty, for I put my most trusted officers in that very position in trying to bring Ransom and the Equinox crew to justice. I forced some of them into a choice between their principles and their allegiance to me as their Captain." Once more she hesitated, but only briefly. She took a long slow breath and then spoke, but softly and reflectively this time. "You want to know the real difference Noah, the fundamental difference between Ransom and me? Nothing. Not one damn thing."  
  
Chakotay's eyes widened noticeably at that. If they had been able to hear outside the room, they would have picked up the surprise of the rest of the crew as well. The entire ship was filled with gasps and other expressions of surprise.  
  
"Oh, I'm pretty sure I would never have exploited another species the way he did, or treated another Starfleet ship and crew the way he chose to treat us. Ransom and Burke were ruthless. It wasn't enough to kill the aliens and use their bodies as fuel, they turned your EMH into a monster. And when they decided that we would never understand what they had done, they ran, leaving all of us defenseless. What they did to Seven was equally unforgivable. They treated her as just another alien, a resource to aid in your escape.  
  
"Nevertheless, while it pains me to admit it, I might have made similar choices given the circumstances. The safety and wellbeing of my crew is paramount to me. If I have learned one thing out here, it's that this is not the Alpha Quadrant where the lines between right and wrong in the eyes of the Federation and Starfleet are clearly defined. The rules are different. This is much more about survival than exploration or peace keeping, and it changes people. We have no back up, no re-supply, little contact with family and friends. We are all we have. In Ransom I thought I was finally able to relate to another person who keenly understood the impact of all that on a Starfleet Captain. I trusted him implicitly as a colleague, yet within hours he betrayed my trust. I was devastated, but eventually I understood. The difference between my choices and his is that I have the finest officers and crew in Starfleet to give me strength and to keep me grounded. If not for them, I would not have survived out here.  
  
"All I have left to say is this. I am truly sorry for the life you have had to lead here in the Delta Quadrant, I am sorry that it has had such a profound effect on you. Most importantly, I am sincerely sorry for the part I played in adding to your suffering. Nevertheless, no matter what you do to me, I have done the best I could, and live or die I'm satisfied with that. For as long as I live, I will carry a certain amount of regret and guilt with me for the choices I made, and the way I handled certain circumstances out here. However, I will also take with me the pride and love I feel for my crew, what we have accomplished together, and the kindness and respect they have returned to me ten-fold. If I'm not mistaken, that is what life is all about, accepting and learning from the bad, appreciating the good, and facing whatever comes your way with dignity, compassion and character."  
  
Finally and completely exhausted from all she had been through, she lowered her head and said softly. "Do with me as you will."  
  
Silence. It was palpable, both in the ready room and throughout the rest of the ship. There were few dry eyes. If they had before her speech, no one would ever again question why they had followed this woman to hell and back on more than one occasion.  
  
=/\=  
  
Wedged in a tiny accessway, hardly large enough even for the slim forms of Seven of Nine and B'Elanna Torres, the two woman worked on disabling a device about the size of one of the gel packs. Both of them were becoming increasingly concerned that they were running out of time. They had brought a small one way audio-visual receiver with them that allowed them to monitor the steady transmission from the ready room. While they had not spoken to each other about what they were hearing and seeing, the occasional eye contact they exchanged told them all they needed to know.  
  
"I am curious." Said Seven as she worked with a tricorder and a small calibration tool on a panel the devise was affixed to.  
  
"Curious about what, Seven?" replied B'Elanna, the sweat forming on her forehead a clear indicator of both the temperature and the tension in the crawl space.  
  
Seven shifted her position, striking her elbow painfully against a support strut along the bulkhead in the process. "How crewman Lessing was able to access this area if we had so much difficulty getting here?"  
  
"Never underestimate the capabilities of someone with a vendetta Seven. I'm sure it was just as uncomfortable for him as it is for us, maybe more so given his larger size, but I doubt he gave it much thought."  
  
"Paris to Torres." The sound of Tom's voice interrupted their conversation.  
  
"Go ahead Tom." B'Elanna replied softly.  
  
Tom was wedged into a small enough space of his own. A Jefferies tube on deck eleven to be more precise. He and Tuvok had been working furiously on the transporters, trying to unscramble the seemingly endless problems with the system that Lessing had managed to construct. Noah had altered both the programming and the physical routing of some of the network pathways through the system. He had created a combination of failures that could not be corrected through normal procedures. In essence, they couldn't simply take the system completely off-line and allow it to reboot in the proper sequence on it's own, taking advantage of Voyager's own diagnostic and restorative routines. In this case, until they reversed or bypassed what he had done, the transporters were useless. Sliding his left leg beneath himself, he pushed off the deck plating in order to reach his arms farther through the access panel he was working in. "Did you hear that last transmission?" he replied.  
  
B'Elanna looked at Seven for the briefest of moments. "Yes, we heard. Sounds as though we need to hurry."  
  
"It seems that way. You just about done? I wish I had better news, but I don't think we'll have the transporters back for a while yet. Tuvok and I think we've found a way to bypass what Noah did and give us minimal site to site capability, but even with several of us working on it, I'm afraid it will take time to reroute everything."  
  
B'Elanna had continued to work through their conversation and now focused her attention on an indicator light that began to blink on her tricorder. "Hold on Tom, I think I've got something. Seven, check the flow indicator again. Do you see what I see?" She said, sounding more than a little surprised.  
  
Seven stopped what she was doing long enough to press a series of commands into her own tricorder and then waited. "It appears you are correct Lieutenant."  
  
Torres tapped her combadge, "Torres to Kim."  
  
"Go ahead B'Elanna." Came the response from the bridge.  
  
"I think we've finally found the right frequency sequence. You're not going to believe this, but if I'm right, this thing couldn't harm a Talaxian Fur Fly. I'm going to try something. Keep your fingers crossed."  
  
Harry wiped his forehead on his sleeve "I hope you're right. be careful, huh?"  
  
The Lieutenant smiled. "Count on it Starfleet."  
  
Harry beamed in spite of the circumstances. She hadn't called him by that nickname in a long time. When the Starfleet and Maquis crews had been thrust together so many years ago, B'Elanna had somehow managed to turn what was generally used as a derogatory term by the Maquis, into a term of affection for her new friend. Since then, their relationship had evolved to using their given names almost exclusively. But every once in a while, particularly when they were faced with a particularly dangerous challenge, she called him 'Starfleet' to convey her concern for, and trust in, her friend. It was a special way she had of communicating that everything would be okay.  
  
Tom had heard it as well and smiled to himself even as he continued to work. He silently prayed that everything would indeed be alright. He was deeply worried about B'Elanna's safety. If something were to go wrong, there would be little chance of reaching B'Elanna and Seven quickly with the transporters still off-line. Nevertheless, he was glad that they had managed to find and deal with the more potentially devastating of the two problems.  
  
Shifting her thoughts exclusively to the business at hand, B'Elanna wriggled a little to try to get more comfortable even though she knew it to be a losing battle. Then she looked intently at Seven. "Ready?" She queried.  
  
Seven was well aware of the meaning of their success in this endeavor. She checked the readings on her tricorder one last time and used the calibration tool to make one final adjustment. "Ready." She said softly and turned to look directly at her companion.  
  
They shared a knowing glance and then B'Elanna turned back to her work. "Well, here goes."  
  
Seven only nodded, knowing that if they were wrong, this could very much determine whether they all lived or died. At the very least, it would have a profound impact on their captain's fate. Something that was bothering the former Borg drone far more than she would have liked to admit.  
  
Rubbing her eyes quickly, B'Elanna took a couple of deep breaths, entered the sequence, and waited.  
  
After what seemed an eternity, Harry Kim saw what he had been longing to ever since the ordeal began. The indicator that he had configured to show him the status of the signal from the control devise in Lessing's hand, to the receiving device in the plasma injector system, blinked once and then went out altogether. "Yes!" Harry exclaimed as he thumped his fist on the top of the operations console. "That's it B'Elanna, the signal's been completely disrupted."  
  
Everyone on the bridge heaved a deep sigh of relief, including a usually stoic Vulcan tactical officer.  
  
Tom was so excited, he leapt for joy, momentarily forgetting his surroundings, and in the process banging his head painfully on the upper surface of the Jefferies tube. His first thought, after the brief pain in his head, was how proud he was of B'Elanna. She had been through a lot between the questioning and largely leading the effort to clean up the mess that Lessing had created. She was also deeply concerned for Captain Janeway, as they all were. And with everything, she had come through for them all, just as he knew she would. "Nice work B'Elanna." He said quietly over the still open comlink."  
  
Recognizing the deep emotion in Tom's tone of voice, she replied with a simple but heartfelt, "Thanks." Now was not the time to be distracted by sentiment and she knew he'd understand. B'Elanna glowered at the device affixed to superstructure. It had been a ruse, albeit an extremely elaborate one. The signal had been real. Even the reaction of the ship's monitoring systems had made it appear there was a real danger. However, there was nothing connected to the devise itself that could actually cause an explosion, nor would the signal connections allow a bypass of Voyager's redundant safety systems to cause an overload. Put simply, the bomb was a dud. "Harry. Seven and I have some clean up work to finish here to get everything back on line properly, but I suggest you and Tuvok let Chakotay know that Lessing was bluffing about blowing up Voyager. That should give him something to work with."  
  
This time it wasn't Harry that responded. "Understood Lieutenant." Tuvok replied, and then keyed a few commands in his own console to trigger the rest of their plans. Once done, he pulled a phaser from his waist and summoned the security team to converge on the ready room doors. They could see from the viewscreen that, for the moment at least, Lessing was far enough away from the Captain that there might be a chance to get her out of there if they acted quickly enough.  
  
=/\=  
  
TBC 


	8. Chapter 8

Redemption  
  
Written - 8/20/02  
  
Summary - It's the anniversary of the encounter with the Equinox and Noah Lessing has something special in mind to mark the occasion.  
  
Rating - PG  
  
Chapter 8  
  
Upon hearing Kathryn complete her impassioned speech, Chakotay began to rise from his chair once more. "Well Lessing, you happy now? You've had your fun, what happens next?"  
  
Noah simply stood staring intently at the Commander, his thoughts in turmoil, not knowing what to say. Kathryn Janeway's words had touched him, at least the part of him he had been suppressing in one way or another for far too long. The reality of the situation finally hit home and he felt utterly lost and alone. He was sweating profusely now, and his hands had gone from a slight tremble to a constant and profound shaking. Only intense concentration kept him from losing the last remaining shreds of his composure. What the Captain had said made sense. He should have stopped her from speaking in the first place. Things seemed so clear to him before, and now. Now he was wondering how in the world he could have miscalculated so badly. He had not only let his anger get the best of him, he had involved himself so deeply in the mechanics of his little operation that he had missed the larger issue. Janeway wasn't a criminal to these people, she was a damned hero, and he would never convince them otherwise. He had failed miserably on all counts and the realization hit like a blow to the head. Slowly, like the inexorable rise of the tide with each successive wave, Lessing began to panic with each passing second.  
  
Chakotay could see it in the crewman's eyes and read it in his body language. If they were to do anything to save Kathryn Janeway, now was the time. Just as he was forming a plan in his own mind, he received a hail, "Tuvok to Chakotay."  
  
Never taking his eyes from Lessing, Chakotay responded, "Go ahead." And tried desperately to swallow the lump in his throat.  
  
Tuvok only said one word, "Kalto." It was the code word they had set up to inform one another that the device had been located and disabled should they be involved in the interrogation at the time. Tuvok knew it would be too difficult to explain to the Commander through code to his combadge that the devise had been a diversion. That could be explained in great detail later. What was important was to identify that it was simply no longer a threat.  
  
"What was that, what did he mean?" Lessing demanded, moving ever closer to the Captain.  
  
"It's over Lessing." Chakotay ordered. "That detonator is useless to you now. We've disabled your little insurance policy."  
  
Kathryn looked up at him, a mixture of surprise and relief etched in her features. They all held their breath as Lessing looked to his hand and realized the indicator light had gone dark. For a second or two nothing happened. Then everything began to happen at once.  
  
"No!" He cried. Not knowing what else to do, Lessing tossed the control device away and roughly yanked the captain from her chair by the collar of her tunic. He held her close to his body, the ever-present knife pressed to her ribs. He then began to back the two of them toward the rear door, practically dragging her as he went. Chakotay moved swiftly between Lessing and the door, effectively blocking the exit.  
  
Lessing, now feeling like a trapped animal, swiftly changed the focus of his attention to this new threat. He grabbed Janeway by the bindings around her wrists, spun around and lunged at the Commander, swinging the knife as he went. Things happened so quickly at that point that afterwards none of the others in the room could describe exactly what happened, with the notable exception of Kathryn Janeway. She would later remember it as if it happened in slow motion.  
  
Chakotay's concern for her safety made him reach for her instead of keeping a close eye on the knife. In the fray he was cut deeply across his right forearm and stumbled backward to the wall, clutching at the wound. At the same time, Janeway took advantage of the momentary diversion. Using her body as leverage, and the fact that he was somewhat unbalanced by his lunge at Chakotay, she managed to knock Lessing even farther from her first office. The resulting momentum sent them both sprawling headlong to the floor.  
  
"Security!" Chakotay yelled as he tapped his combadge, and six heavily armed officers entered the room through both doors, rushing Lessing where he lay tangled with the Captain on the floor. Knowing that her action had probably saved him from a more serious injury, Chakotay ran to the two of them, "Kathryn, that was foolish, but thank you." He said as the security team lifted Lessing from her and he reached behind her to untie her hands, his own injury causing him to fumble in the attempt.  
  
Once her hands were free, she turned to face her second in command. He reached to help her from the floor with his good arm, but before she could rise to a full upright position, she doubled over and slumped into his arms. "Kathryn?" he queried.  
  
She wasn't able to respond. She was leaning heavily against him, the color of her tunic rapidly darkening to a more pronounced shade of red, the expression on her face a mixture of pain and surprise. Moreover, Noah Lessing stood nearby, now restrained by the security detail, but still holding a bloody survival knife in his hand.  
  
"Doctor, get in here!" Chakotay yelled through the door as he eased her back toward the desk, leaning her against it for support, his injured arm preventing him from supporting her fully himself.  
  
Chakotay tried to maintain eye contact with his friend while the Doctor entered the ready room and hurried toward them. At the same time, Lessing began to laugh, even as he struggled with the security guards who now had him firmly pinned to the wall by the desk. The laughter sounded odd, even to him.  
  
"It'll be okay Kathryn. Just take it easy." Chakotay said.  
  
She smiled at him, her face ashen. The doctor examined her quickly and then stated, "No vital organs have been severely damaged Captain, but it's a deep wound and you're bleeding quite heavily, we'll need to transport you to sickbay right away."  
  
"Not an option doctor, the transporters are still out. Whatever you need to do, either you do it here or we carry her to sickbay on the turbolift." Said Chakotay as he tried to hold his friend upright with his good arm, ignoring his own discomfort.  
  
The doctor looked disgusted. "If that's the best you have to offer."  
  
A fairly large crowd had gathered near the ready room door. None of them had actually been able to see the Captain well enough to notice that she had been injured in the scuffle with Lessing. Seeing the chaos as it developed, Tuvok began shuffling people back away from the doorways and sending them back to their posts, allowing the main door to close once more. Within seconds, the curious realized that the viewscreen on the bridge, as well as those throughout the remainder of the ship, were still displaying the events taking place in the ready room for all aboard to see. Most of them stood mesmerized at the sight of their captain slumped against her first officer.  
  
After clearing the crowd, Tuvok moved to where his officers held Lessing prisoner. The security team had finally pried the knife from him but he continued to laugh at the same time tears were streaming down the sides of his face, and he continued to struggle with his captors.  
  
"Get him out of here!" Chakotay spat, only sparing a second to look up, the commotion Lessing was creating more than he wanted to deal with for the moment.  
  
"Take him to the brig." Tuvok ordered, waving the security team toward the door.  
  
A small weak voice interrupted them before they could execute his order. "No."  
  
Chakotay turned his attention to his captain and leaned closer to hear her better. "Kathryn, did you say something?"  
  
Mustering energy she really didn't have, she lifted her head, making eye contact with Lessing himself, and repeated her command, "I said No. Confine him. to quarters. Deactivate. computer. replicator. Place him. under guard. but no brig." then her eyes closed and she buried her forehead against Chakotay's shoulder. She held one hand tightly against her abdomen, just below her ribs, the spaces between her fingers rapidly darkening to a deep crimson.  
  
"Understood Captain." Tuvok replied and then motioned for Lessing and his guards to move out. As he did so, he received a hail.  
  
"Paris to Tuvok." Tom's voice sounded excited.  
  
"Go ahead Mister Paris."  
  
Tom's voice was echoing somewhat through his combadge, an obvious indication that he was moving through the Jefferies tube as he spoke. "All teams have reported in, the bypass should be complete in the site to site transporters. I suggest you give them a try." Tom, having closed the live transmission from the ready room to his combadge while he exited the Jefferies tube, was oblivious to the fact that his timing could not have been more perfect.  
  
"Thank you Mister Paris." Rushing back through the door to the bridge, Tuvok looked directly at Harry Kim and shouted, "Mister Kim, site to site transport for Captain Janeway, Commander Chakotay and the Doctor. Get them directly to sickbay."  
  
Harry was surprised at the request because he had not received the transmission from Tom. But he had learned a long time ago on this journey not to question orders like this one. "Aye Sir, transport three to sickbay." His hands moved over the console in a practiced dance, and much to his surprise, the controls responded for the first time in hours.  
  
Seconds later, the three officers in question shimmered out of existence in the ready room and reappeared in sickbay, just as requested. "Sickbay to Tom Paris." The Doctor inquired, speaking to the air as he and the Commander lifted the Captain onto the biobed.  
  
"Paris here doc." His voice no longer echoing, as he was now in a corridor.  
  
"I need your assistance in sickbay right away."  
  
Tom was concerned as to who could have been hurt to require his assistance. He prayed it was not the Captain, not after all this. And if it was Janeway, he hoped it wasn't serious. "On my way." He said as he broke into a run.  
  
=/\=  
  
Upon arriving in sickbay, Tom rapidly moved to take a place beside the Chakotay and the Doctor in the surgical bay, worry etched in his features as soon as he saw it was indeed the Captain. The EMH had already begun to treat her. Taking a hypospray from a nearby tray he said, "This should make you somewhat more comfortable Captain." and pressed it to her neck.  
  
She nodded in acknowledgement, only vaguely aware of what was happening. Whatever the Doctor had given her, it was helping to ease her pain, she felt it, but at a distance now. The voices of her caregivers sounding to her as if they were all under water.  
  
"She has a deep laceration to the abdomen and internal injuries Mister Paris, you know what to do." Then the EMH looked up at Tom and nodded. They had been in situation like this many times over the years and had developed an efficient routine for dealing with severely injured patients. Tom immediately began to cut away the stained layers of the Captain's uniform so they could treat her properly.  
  
Chakotay, who was standing at the head of the biobed, looked to the Doctor who had begun to run his tricorder over the Captain. "How's she doing?"  
  
"She's holding her own, but she's loosing a lot of blood, we need to deal with that immediately." He muttered, not taking his attention from the tricorder.  
  
Chakotay dropped his head noticeably and then turned his attention back to her, "I'm sorry Kathryn. This is the last thing I wanted to happen." He said.  
  
"I know." She managed to say as she opened her eyes for a moment. "I'm sorry too."  
  
He looked at her amazed, "By all the God's what for?"  
  
She choked the words out as best she could. "For the Equinox. what happened. all this."  
  
"Don't blame yourself for any of this. Besides, this is not the time or the place. You need to take it easy, save your strength." Chakotay could only maintain eye contact with her for a moment, the struggle evident in her intense blue eyes and the sweat forming on her brow, threatened to burst the dam holding back his own emotions.  
  
She maintained eye contact for as long as she could and then slowly closed her eyes, mercifully unconscious as the medication the Doctor had given her finally had it's full effect.  
  
=/\=  
  
TBC 


	9. Chapter 9

Redemption  
  
Written - 8/20/02  
  
Summary - It's the anniversary of the encounter with the Equinox and Noah Lessing has something special in mind to mark the occasion.  
  
Rating - PG  
  
Chapter 9  
  
Almost 18 hours later, a weary and sore Kathryn Janeway sat leaning against the back of the sofa in her quarters, gazing out the viewport at the stars streaking past as they made their way relentlessly toward home. Lost in thought, she didn't take notice of the door chime, nor the distinct swish of the outer door allowing someone entry. Then all was quiet for a moment.  
  
Chakotay stood stock still for a few moments and examined his surroundings. He had expected to find Seven of Nine keeping vigil in the Captain's living room while the Captain herself was fast asleep in her bed. He was quite surprised to see Kathryn up this soon after what she had been through. She was wearing a loose fitting white knit tunic and blue slacks and his first thought was of how long it had been since he'd seen her in anything but her uniform. Since the incident with the Equinox, she had even shied away from many of the ship's social functions. It was something that he and several other members of the staff had noticed, but they weren't entirely sure what the problem was. Now, after the experience with Lessing, he needn't wonder any longer.  
  
Watching her he also noticed that her hair fell loosely to her shoulders, the familiar curl that kept it's length within regulations while on duty, nonexistent. She wasn't wearing any makeup either and he suddenly realized that in all the time he had known her, he could count the number of times he had seen her this way on one hand. It made her appear vulnerable to him. He shook off the feeling quickly and turned to Seven who sat at the Captain's desk engrossed in something at the computer console. "Seven?" He queried.  
  
"Commander." She acknowledged.  
  
"How long has our intrepid Captain been up?"  
  
"Since shortly after the Doctor allowed her to return to her quarters, she."  
  
The Captain interrupted, "Would the two of you mind not speaking about me as though I wasn't in the room?"  
  
Chakotay chuckled softly to himself. "Well, well, it's good to see you still have that commanding tone we love to hear. Although, I thought the Doctor released you on the agreement that you would rest? Bed rest if I'm not mistaken." He said with a broad smile as he approached her and sat facing her on the sofa.  
  
"For me this is resting Commander. Besides, I've slept enough, both here and in sickbay. And I needed a change of scenery." She had been in sickbay for almost twelve hours while the Doctor treated her and kept her sedated. After she awoke, he had kept her another few hours before he was comfortable with releasing her to her quarters.  
  
As she tried to turn toward Chakotay, she found the movement difficult. As a result, she only turned part of the way.  
  
He noticed. "Take it easy Kathryn. You're not quite back to your normally energetic self yet." He said, resting a hand on her forearm.  
  
She ignored this comment. "How's your arm?" She inquired.  
  
"Good as new." He said as he rolled his free arm back and forth and wiggled his fingers as if to prove the point. "Thank you for asking." Chakotay sat back and crossed his arms, still looking skeptical at her comment about resting. Then he turned again toward Seven. "I'll keep the Captain company for a while Seven, why don't you take a break?"  
  
"Very well Commander. Captain, I'll be back to see you later." Seven had shut down the computer and moved toward the door.  
  
"Thank you Seven. I appreciate your looking after me." Said Janeway.  
  
"You are most welcome." With that the former Borg drone left the Captain's quarters with her typical efficient and purposeful motion to whatever business she felt important at the moment.  
  
Janeway smiled and shook her head as she watched Seven leave. Her protégé had been there ever since Janeway had gotten herself up, showered and dressed, able to stand the confines of her bed no longer. While she wasn't particularly fond of being hovered over, she appreciated all the concern for her wellbeing nonetheless. For someone with as much pent up energy as Kathryn Janeway, bed rest was almost an impossible request. If she was conscious, she needed to be up and about. In this case, her physical condition didn't allow her the freedom she would like, but at least she was up, dressed and somewhat presentable. Seven had tried to talk her out of it to no avail and had resigned herself to simply standing by in case she was needed in any way.  
  
Kathryn knew that she was being scrutinized by her first officer. She decided to officially start the conversation by trying to sound reassuring for his sake, "I think that's the first really good night's sleep I've gotten since we arrived in this quadrant. I'll consider myself lucky."  
  
"You should." He smiled and slid a little closer to her. "Tom and the Doctor had their hands full for a while. You'd lost a lot of blood and."  
  
She held up a somewhat shaky hand in a common Janeway gesture. "I get the idea. Thank them for me when you see them."  
  
"I'll be happy to, but you're likely to see the doctor yourself any time now. He said he would be back about now to check up on you."  
  
"I was wondering about that. Nice of him to release me to my quarters. And since you've obviously been in contact with him more recently than I have, what did he tell you about my condition?"  
  
"You're off duty for the next 48 hours. The Doctor said to tell you to relax. The rest is mostly to allow you to recover from the blood loss. If you push it, it'll take longer for you to fully recover. He also said you're likely to be a bit sore for a while." Both the Doctor and her first officer knew this was not really necessary for her physical recovery, she needed the time to deal with all of this emotionally as well.  
  
"That's an understatement." She confirmed, unconsciously placing one hand on her chest while also acknowledging a slight headache.  
  
"Good, then we won't have to worry about you following my instructions for a change. Although I thought I told you to rest." This from the doctor who had appeared in the doorway unnoticed by either of them.  
  
Janeway's only response was an overly dramatic roll of her eyes.  
  
Chakotay smirked knowingly at her and then stood and moved away from the sofa to allow the Doctor to check her condition. They were all quiet for a time while he ran a tricorder over her. "Vital signs normal. Hemoglobin levels returning to normal." Then he folded the tricorder and set it down to look into her right eye. "Any headaches Captain?"  
  
"If I tell the truth, will you leave sooner?" She said, the intensity of her gaze magnified by their relative proximity.  
  
Chakotay huffed and lifted his hand to his mouth to prevent his amusement from becoming audible.  
  
"Very funny Captain, just answer the question please." The Doctor continued.  
  
"A mild one. Comes and goes."  
  
The Doctor looked into her eyes for another second or two and then stood quickly. "Good, then I'd say you're well on your way to a full recovery."  
  
"Thank you Doctor." She replied, rolling her eyes again at the barest hint of condescension in his tone.  
  
"Have you had anything to eat?"  
  
Until the EMH mentioned it, she hadn't realized how hungry she was. A meal actually sounded quite good. Doing the math in her head, she realized that she had not really eaten in almost a day and a half. "Ok, I'm game, I don't suppose a nice hot cup of black coffee is on the menu?"  
  
The Doctor scowled and looked at the Commander who simply shrugged his shoulders and looked knowingly back at the Captain again, "I told him that would be your first request."  
  
"It's nice to be so predictable." She said as she gingerly turned herself until she sat normally on the sofa facing forward.  
  
"Commander, would you get the meal I programmed into the replicator? Just ask for Janeway D1."  
  
"I'll be right back." He said as he left them to use the replicator.  
  
In a short time, Chakotay was back with a tray. On it was a poached egg, toast, a class of juice and, to her surprise, a steaming cup of coffee."  
  
She looked up into the doctor's face. "Thank you." She happily exclaimed.  
  
"My pleasure Captain. Now eat your breakfast and then get some rest. You may get ship's status reports through the Commander here, but I want several hours of uninterrupted relaxation. Sleep, read a book, whatever you like, but reports to a minimum. In addition, for the time being you are confined to quarters. Understood."  
  
"Yes sir." She said with a mock salute.  
  
"Good, I'm glad we understand each other." Standing, he turned to the Commander. "You'll keep an eye on her?"  
  
Chakotay smiled, looking at her as he replied, "I'll do my best."  
  
The Doctor glowered, "Well, I suppose that will have to do. Call me if you need me."  
  
As the Doctor left the Captain's quarters, Chakotay resumed his seat on the sofa next to her to keep her company while she ate. And eat she did. She had the food gone and was nursing her coffee in only a few minutes. "That's a good sign."  
  
There was a definite grin on her face as she took a sip of her coffee. "What, that I've got an appetite, or that I still worship my coffee?" She said, never lifting her eyes from he mug.  
  
He laughed in response, "Well since you put it that way, both I guess." Then he moved the tray out of the way for her and set it on the floor.  
  
"Thanks." She said. "How are things with the ship, all systems back on line?"  
  
"The senior staff and a number of technicians were pretty busy for a while, but they have everything back to normal."  
  
"Taking another sip of her coffee, she tried to make her next question sound routine, "So, how's my friend Lessing."  
  
He wasn't surprised at how quickly she got to that subject. "He's confined to quarters as you asked. He's been pretty quiet." Pausing, he considered his next course of action carefully. There was something extremely important that she needed to know, but maybe it should wait a little longer until she had a chance to fully recover, for when they would deal with what happened in it's entirety.  
  
Noticing the somewhat abrupt halt to her first officer's train of thought she inquired, "Chakotay, what is it?"  
  
"I was going to wait to tell you this, but it's probably best that you know. Tuvok and I had the doctor look Lessing over after we had your situation under control. The Doctor ran some tests and discovered something quite interesting."  
  
Her eyes rose over the end of her coffee mug as she halted in mid sip. "And that is."  
  
"There were significant amounts of an unknown narcotic in his blood stream. Apparently our Mr. Lessing is addicted."  
  
"How in the world." She looked somewhat shocked. There had never been any recorded substance abuse problems among the Voyager crew. It was something she had worried about early in the voyage, when the stress of their circumstances was still fresh in their minds. That thought had quickly waned when she had seen the crew in action, both on and off duty, and observed the way they handled themselves and supported each other. Of course, things could get a little carried away at times in the holodeck, but that was all in fun. "I knew there had to be some explanation for his bazaar behavior. And we both noticed he didn't look well. I know he probably harbors some resentment against me for what happened a year ago, but I would never have anticipated something like this. Does the Doctor know the source?"  
  
"He's done a complete analysis and he's pretty sure it's from a planet we visited more than six months ago. It's base is a naturally occurring compound similar to several he studied while we were in the system trading for supplies."  
  
"But how could he have smuggled such a thing on board, especially enough to last for six months. Tuvok or one of his team most certainly would have noticed something."  
  
Chakotay and Tuvok had puzzled over that themselves for some time until they checked the energy patterns from the replicator in Lessing's quarters. Somehow he had managed to decompose the substance from the small supply he had obtained from the planet and had eventually been able to produce it on command. "He didn't, he simply figured out how to make more."  
  
"You mean he replicated it?"  
  
"Exactly. Of course the naturally occurring variety was much more potent and he rationed that for special occasions. Kidnapping you and holding Voyager hostage was apparently just such an event. The Doctor said he was surprised Noah could function at all with the amount of the stuff he had in his system. He also indicated that the substance has an hallucinogenic effect. The longer Noah continued to use it, the more it effected his perceptions and his judgement."  
  
Janeway didn't respond immediately. She wasn't exactly sure what to say. She also wasn't sure whether she should be grateful or dismayed. Had Noah acted out of his own instinct or had he done what he did because he was under the influence of a foreign substance? Obviously he would have to have been harboring some animosity toward her, the drug was not likely to have completely induced what he did on it's own. "How is he?"  
  
"Well, he had a rough night. Doc gave him something to control the withdrawal, but it still wasn't easy for him, and it may take a few more days for the physical effects to completely subside. The psychological effects are another issue altogether. And of course we need to find a way to help him with whatever it is that made him choose to take the substance in the first place. Tuvok and I have been keeping a close eye on him but we thought it best to give him a little more time before we started questioning him. Besides, we've been a little busy with other things."  
  
Looking deeply into his eyes, she said, "I want to be there when you see him."  
  
Chakotay shook his head. "Kathryn, besides that fact that the Doctor has given you a medical order for your own good, the man came very close to killing you. What could you possibly hope to accomplish?"  
  
She may not feel up to her usual self, but her response was no less than commanding, "First of all I think it's important that I let him know I'm not afraid of him. Particularly now that I know about his problem." Her gaze never wavered from his, and he found himself wondering who she was trying to convince. He knew this woman well, and fear was something he had never seen in her eyes, even though he knew she felt it from time to time. If she was feeling any from this incident, it wasn't from Noah Lessing. She would face down an entire armada of Borg and never flinch. No, more than likely the whole experience had been a reminder of the fear she had felt in herself a year ago. In finding she was capable of actions she had much regretted afterwards.  
  
She continued "Most importantly, drug induced or not, Noah Lessing has had his revenge and I suspect has found it somewhat less than satisfying. At least in the way he envisioned it. I think he is the victim of circumstances. His sensibilities twisted along the way." She looked at her hands briefly, rubbed her wrists as if in remembrance of her ordeal, and then raised her eyes toward him again, "Something I managed in no small way to contribute to. I've reviewed his service record, both before and after the Equinox posting. Everything points to him being a loyal crewman and truly a gentle person who was forced into actions he abhorred in himself, and a year is a long time to simmer over something. Eventually all that pent up anger and frustration had to go somewhere and I was a convenient target. And if all that was exacerbated by an addiction." She stopped speaking, as if to collect her thoughts. Shifting slightly on the cushions she went on, "I want to help him come back to himself. Make him a productive member of our family."  
  
Chakotay wasn't surprised. This was vintage Janeway, no member of her crew, adopted or otherwise, was ever beyond help, and her personal attention if need be. He had a sneaking suspicion that she had always been this way, but even more so since they had been stranded so far from home. He knew it would be pointless to argue with her. He also knew from his discussions with Marla Gilmore and several others since all this began, that Noah had been egged on. Without even knowing it, Angelo Tessoni had played a major role in twisting Noah's opinion of the Captain when he was in no condition to prevent it from happening. They would find a way to deal with all of it. Together. Just as they had everything else out here. "You are amazing, you know that?"  
  
"So I've been told. But will you support me in this?"  
  
"Do I have a choice?" He moved closer to her on the sofa in order to look down at her so that he could at least pretend he had some influence over her.  
  
"I'm glad we understand each other."  
  
He shook his head. "I'll make the arrangements with Tuvok, and I'll be back to check on you later. In the mean time, rest will you?"  
  
She nodded and smiled at him then shrugged herself farther into the cushions and closed her eyes. Chakotay reached for an afghan that was thrown over the back of a nearby chair and covered her with it. She was asleep almost before Chakotay was out her door.  
  
=/\=  
  
TBC 


	10. Chapter 10

Redemption  
  
Written - 8/20/02  
  
Summary - It's the anniversary of the encounter with the Equinox and Noah Lessing has something special in mind to mark the occasion.  
  
Rating - PG  
  
Chapter 10  
  
The following morning, Captain Kathryn Janeway stood in front of the mirror in her bedroom smoothing the last of the barely noticeable wrinkles in her uniform jacket. Chakotay and Tuvok would be here in 15 minutes for her meeting with Lessing. For her part, she was confident and unafraid. However, was she right about Lessing? Would he be interested in a second chance and willing to accept her forgiveness? Then again, who needed the forgiveness more? Would he be willing to offer his?  
  
The interrogation from two days before was still fresh in her mind. While she had done a Herculean job of maintaining her command presence and composure, recalling the events of a year ago so publicly had hurt her deeply. She guessed that she had deserved it in a way, and maybe all of it was a catharsis of sorts, a way to purge the demons and the guilt finally and for all time. It was ironic really. She had told Chakotay that a year was a long time for Lessing to carry around so much anger, and here she was, doing a similar thing herself, only what she had carried was guilt.  
  
She shrugged her shoulders and lifted her hand to rub the back of her neck, desperately trying to relieve the physical symptoms of her tension. She turned and walked to the living area just as the door chime sounded. "Come in." She said to the air.  
  
The door opened admitting her first officer and her tactical officer, both also close friends. She wondered whether either of them would try one last time to talk her out of this. To their credit, they did not.  
  
"Ready Captain?" inquired Chakotay.  
  
She nodded and in silence, the three of them headed to the turbolift.  
  
A few minutes later they approached Lessing's quarters and Kathryn could see the security guards standing outside. She and her two escorts stopped before the door. She in the front, flanked by both of her officers. "This is where we part company gentlemen."  
  
Chakotay responded first, "Now wait just a damn minute."  
  
"You heard me. I'm doing this alone." She said over her shoulder, turning just enough to make eye contact with the two of them in turn. "Just exactly what kind of message do you think it would send if I take the two of you in there with me? This is about trust. His trust in me and mine in him. If both of us are ever to move beyond this, then I have to do this alone. I'll keep the comm channel open, and I promise I'll keep my distance from him until I'm sure there is no danger."  
  
Chakotay looked pleadingly at Tuvok for his support but found none, "I see no flaw in her logic Commander. I too am concerned for her safety, but to prevent her from doing this on the basis of our concern alone would be an error in judgement."  
  
She looked from one face to the other, waited for a moment for an answering protest, but heard none. "Thank you gentlemen." Then turning back toward the door she took a deep breath, sounded the chime and entered.  
  
She found Noah Lessing standing quietly in the corner of his quarters, looking out a small viewport. Crew quarters on Voyager were small, but better than most. Noah was one of the lucky ones whose cabin was in such a location on one of the lower decks that he even had the luxury of a view to the stars. She hated to interrupt his musing but she wasn't in the mood to wait. "Crewman?" she said softly.  
  
He spun on his heels as he recognized her voice, "You." Noah was genuinely surprised to see her. He still had a long way to go to sort things out, but when he had finally gotten over the withdrawal symptoms, he had really and truly hated himself when the realization of what he had done dawned on him. He had trouble looking himself in the mirror and he was plagued with flashbacks of his physical abuse of the woman before him. What could possibly have driven him to what he had done? Looking at her now only made things worse.  
  
The word hung in the air as she watched Noah carefully for what he would do next. She wasn't entirely sure whether it was a statement or an accusation. "May I come in, I thought we should talk."  
  
"I'd have thought you'd had enough of that recently." He kept his voice even, no sarcasm, but no warmth either.  
  
"Perhaps Noah, perhaps." She looked briefly at the floor and then back to him, "I came to see you because I was concerned. I think we have some things to discuss before we can all put the Equinox in our past once and for all."  
  
He genuinely looked surprised, "You're serious aren't you, you really want to talk?"  
  
"Yes I do, very much. May I sit down?" She had asked the question for two reasons. First and foremost, she wanted this to be as comfortable for both of them as possible. But there was also the fact that she wasn't sure she'd have the strength to stand for however long this might take. She was still a full day short of completing her convalescence and she felt it. It might be compromising her safety somewhat, as it would limit her mobility, but it was a risk she was willing to take based on his behavior so far.  
  
He motioned to a chair in the sitting area but said nothing.  
  
"Won't you join me?" she inquired.  
  
"I'd rather stand." He said simply. He had no intention of being close to her, of having such an up close and personal reminder of his reprehensible behavior.  
  
"Very well then." She made herself comfortable and asked, "I gather you're surprised to see me?"  
  
Noah began to pace, "A little, I had heard that you were on sick leave, recovering."  
  
"To tell you the truth, I still am." He stopped his pacing and looked at her. "But I felt this was more important, don't you agree?"  
  
She was apparently full of surprises for him. If she was violating the doctor's orders to be here, this must really be important to her. Truth be told, he was afraid, of her, of himself, of what he had done. He had convinced himself that he would face her wrath, not her kindness. After all, he had certainly been on the receiving end of it before and it had nearly cost him his life. Even so, he had now done the same to her hadn't he? Maybe they were even. He would have to think on that. There was still some anger in him. It was much diminished, and not chemically enhanced, but there nonetheless. Never breaking eye contact with her he moved to the chair opposite her and sat.  
  
Janeway knew that the fact he took a seat was a good sign. At least that he was not in a frame of mind to attack her, for the moment at any rate she felt safe. "Noah, I hardly know where to start. As you say, so much has been said recently, but for all the wrong reasons and with too much of an audience. I've also gotten a full report from the doctor on your. condition. We both know that much of that relates to what happened a year ago. I felt we needed to sort things out, just the two of us. If you're willing."  
  
He stared at her, as if in a trance, then dropped his gaze to the floor and nodded.  
  
With that began the healing process, for both of them. Over the next hour, they talked, well, mostly she did, but he listened, really listened. He even made them coffee, a peace offering of sorts.  
  
When they had accomplished all they could for the time being, largely because she was obviously tiring, she attempted to stand and found it a struggle. All at once she felt a hand on her arm and turned to look directly into Noah's face. "Are you alright Captain?"  
  
She gladly accepted his assistance, and when she was fully on her feet, she placed her hand over his "I will be Noah. And so will you, just give it time."  
  
He escorted her to the door, which opened upon her voice command. Both of her officers looked as though they hadn't moved a muscle from the time she left them. Both of them also had the strangest look on their faces seeing their captain being escorted by a man so recently a cruel adversary.  
  
She tuned back to face Noah as she left the room, "We'll talk again."  
  
"I'll look forward to it."  
  
Then the door closed leaving her to the attention of her officers and Noah returned to his confinement.  
  
"Kathryn, are you alright, you look tired?" Asked Chakotay as the three of them headed back toward her quarters.  
  
She looked up at him thoughtfully, "I am, but it was worth it. I think he'll be fine in time."  
  
=/\=  
  
They walked at a comfortable pace back to her quarters where Tuvok excused himself with a reminder for her to follow the doctor's orders and get some much needed rest.  
  
"He can really be the worst mother hen can't he, who would have thought it of a Vulcan?" said Janeway once Tuvok was out of ear shot.  
  
Chakotay smiled, "He's just concerned about you. Are you sure you're alright?"  
  
She thought for a moment and then decided she really would enjoy some company right now. "Care for a nightcap Commander?" She said as she entered the code for her door.  
  
"I'd love one, but since when is alcohol on one of the doctor's recovery plans?"  
  
"It's not, let's just consider this Captain's prerogative," entering her quarters through the now open door she continued over her shoulder, "and if you tell him I'll have you drawn and quartered."  
  
Chakotay held his hands up in mock defense. "I'll keep that in mind."  
  
"Have a seat." She said indicating the sofa. "I'll be right back."  
  
Almost before Chakotay was finished making himself comfortable, Kathryn Janeway was back with two steaming mugs in her hands.  
  
Chakotay was somewhat puzzled, "I thought you said."  
  
She smiled broadly at him as she leaned over and handed him a mug and then approached a chair opposite him with her own. "Just try it."  
  
He watched her gingerly lower herself into her chair, an unmistakable reminder of just how close she had come to not being here at all. Lifting the mug to his lips he sipped the warm liquid carefully and was pleasantly surprised with the taste. "Mmmmm. This tastes like a mulled cider." then her looked her in the eye, "with a kick."  
  
"Good guess." She said over the lip of her own mug, taking a sip herself. "Old Janeway family recipe. We have a number of apple trees on the property in Indiana and we made cider every fall. My mother still does. She always saved some out of the batch to spice up a bit, so to speak. Good isn't it?"  
  
"It's wonderful Kathryn, and might I say, just what the doctor ordered. Well, maybe not in your case, but."  
  
She laughed aloud. "I see your point. Let's consider this medicinal, for my mental health if nothing else. By the way, I'm glad you like it. It took me forever to program the replicator to make it. See my mother never divulged the recipe to anyone, and when I asked her for it, she admitted that she had never written it down. So the next time she made it, I offered to help and watched her intently."  
  
"Tastes as though your mission was a success." Chakotay said, then took another long sip.  
  
"If you think this is good, you should try the real thing. The kick in the recipe is a rare Cognac. While mine is good, the replicator simply can't hope to exactly duplicate what can be done by hand with real ingredients. My mother is a simply amazing cook and makes almost everything from scratch. I never appreciated that until I went off to the academy and had a fairly steady diet of replicated food for the first time in my life."  
  
Chakotay smiled broadly. "I know exactly what you mean. I grew up on an almost exclusive diet of native foods. Everything grown and prepared by hand. My first week at the academy, I thought I'd die from food poisoning. My system couldn't handle it."  
  
"Sounds as though we have something in common." She said as she leaned back in her chair, lifted her legs and crossed her ankles, setting them down on the coffee table in front of her. "I wanted so badly to go to the academy. Started working toward that goal as a young child. Part of it had to do with following in my father's footsteps, but it was so much more than that." She looked away from him then and into her mug as if she could see the bottom through the hot liquid. "While I always knew I would end up at the academy so I could pursue my scientific interests, there was a fringe benefit. I resented my parents and my traditional upbringing and was bound and determined I could break away from that by getting into Starfleet. Ironic isn't it. Almost from the start of my life in Starfleet I began to miss aspects of a way of life I thought I was escaping."  
  
Chakotay smiled and nodded his agreement. "I know exactly how you feel." He was amazed. He couldn't have expressed it better himself. They obviously did have more in common than they knew. It was also interesting that after all their years out here, and even after becoming what he would classify as close friends with thousands of light-years of conversation behind them, they had never tripped over this before.  
  
For a while no one spoke, and the silence fell over the room like the darkness of an approaching storm. Chakotay had experienced this many times since knowing this woman. She wanted to talk, that much was obvious, but somehow she always found it difficult to start, especially when she herself were the topic of conversation. So without hesitation, her first officer took the plunge. "By the way Kathryn, I haven't really had the chance to tell you this, but you should be extremely proud of the way you handled yourself with Lessing. I'm just sorry you had to go through all that."  
  
Her grip on her mug tightened almost imperceptibly and her eyes closed. He was right. It was time they discussed this. That was after all why she had invited him in, but as usual, she had not known quite where to start. Taking a long breath, she looked up slowly.  
  
Chakotay thought he caught just the slightest glimmer of moisture in the corners of her eyes and felt a lump form in his own throat in response. This woman, his captain and friend, had been through a horrendous experience. Now that the business of the whole thing had largely been taken care of, whether by choice or not, it was finally sinking in on an emotional level.  
  
"Yes, I can think of more productive ways for crewmembers to express a grievance with the Captain can't you?"  
  
Chakotay leaned forward and rested his forearms on his knees. "Kathryn, there's more to you asking me in than small talk and cider. What's bothering you?"  
  
She looked closely at him, reminding herself just how much she trusted this man and his friendship. "I'm not sure I ever actually told you I was sorry. I tried to in sickbay, but it was so hard to concentrate."  
  
Looking puzzled, he returned the intensity of her gaze. "Sorry for what?"  
  
"For the way I treated you during our episode with Ransom and the Equinox. For going more than just a little off the deep end with my obsession to bring him to justice."  
  
She really must be tired for her to be dredging up all this again, but he certainly understood why it was bothering her. "You've said it a hundred times my friend. Maybe not in those exact words, but in others. It's also been evident in your actions. You have been different since then, and if I might say so, a better Captain, although a bit reclusive. Stop torturing yourself."  
  
"Maybe you're right." She said, running her right index finger around the rim of her mug.  
  
"There's no maybe about it. If there was still any doubt about your motivations as far as the crew was concerned, that little speech of yours to Lessing has put that firmly to rest. I've talked to a lot of the crew since then. Your honesty, integrity and strength came shining through every fiber of your being. I've been a captain too, remember? I know what it's like if you take the job seriously and you care about your people. Even at that, I cannot possibly know exactly what it's been like for you all these years. What you said gave all of us a better understanding of what you've been through, what makes you tick, and that your human like the rest of us. You care about these people Kathryn, and you've sacrificed a lot to make sure they have a life here as well as a chance to make it home. They know that now more than ever. They respect you for it."  
  
Janeway moved her feet from the table to the floor and leaned forward long enough to set down her rapidly cooling drink. "Now who's giving speeches Commander." Then she rose to her feet and moved to stand in front of the viewport and look out at the stars.  
  
Chakotay knew she wasn't upset with him. There was no malice in her voice.  
  
He set his mug down and followed her. When he had moved directly behind her he continued, "No speeches, just fact. If nothing else, Lessing's little trial was a blessing in disguise. Everything is now out in the open. There are no more secrets, no unknowns. You may have been found guilty, but of nothing more than being human. And I for one am convinced that you've served your sentence many times over. Time to move on." He lifted his right hand and placed it on her shoulder.  
  
She turned toward him and looked up into his eyes. "Thank you Chakotay."  
  
"You are indeed welcome. And by the way, thank you."  
  
She wrinkled her brow, "What for?"  
  
He smiled at her. "Just for being who you are."  
  
They stood staring at each other for a long moment and then she lurched forward, a profound fatigue taking control of every fiber of her being. Chakotay reached to support her, turning her until she rested against him, his arm around her waist.  
  
"Now, time to call it a day. You're exhausted and just looking at you is making me tired." He turned her toward her bedroom as he led her through her quarters. "Get a good night's sleep. By the way, I don't want to see you on the bridge until tomorrow afternoon at the earliest."  
  
They had reached the doorway to her bedroom and she stopped and turned to face him again. "Deal."  
  
Chakotay pulled away and headed toward the main door. "I can show myself out. Thanks for the cider." With that, he was gone, the doors swishing shut behind him.  
  
Kathryn Janeway turned into her bedroom shedding her jacket as she went, tossing it to a lounge chair in the corner. She then sat on the bed and removed her shoes. It was as far as she got. She simply didn't have the energy to undress and re-dress in her nightgown. With one hand she reached under the pillows and pulled down the bedcovers, sliding underneath with ease. As she snuggled into her pillow and pulled the covers closer around her, she was at peace for the first time in a very long time and she drifted off to sleep with a smile on her face.  
  
=/\=  
  
Fourteen weeks later, Kathryn Janeway stood up and walked purposely from behind the desk in her ready room through the door to the bridge in time to greet the other members of alpha shift. As she strode to her seat, she made eye contact with the science officer manning the station on the far side of the bridge. Noah Lessing smiled and acknowledged her with a nod, then went to work, his first day as a science officer on the alpha shift only begun. His recovery had been difficult, and there was still a long way to go, but with the help of Voyager's executive officers, the EMH, and several friends, he'd managed to return to duty. She had been very proud when Chakotay and the Doctor had submitted the request to place him on the normal shift rotation for bridge duty. Noah had worked very hard and earned the privilege. She had approved it without a moment's hesitation.  
  
As she took her place in her command chair, Chakotay leaned toward her and said, "Congratulations Kathryn, another lost soul redeemed."  
  
She met his eyes with an intensity he knew well, "More than one Chakotay. This time, more than one."  
  
THE END  
  
Author's note: Substance abuse is an insidious and destructive disease that has effected more than a few of the people I have been close to in my life, and it has destroyed or taken the lives of more than one. Often, those directly effected are some of the most extraordinarily beautiful souls I have ever had the privilege to know. What happened to Noah Lessing in this story, happens every minute of every day in the lives of some, who for whatever reason, choose to use controlled substances to face each day. They not only harm themselves, but they exact a terrible toll on those around them, on those that love them, both physically and emotionally. For those of you in the clutches of this monster, please seek help, and never give up on yourself. For those of you who have never gotten involved with such things, stay that way. And for those of you who know or care about someone who has not admitted they have a problem, I pray you find the courage to make them see the truth. 


End file.
